Abandoned by friends.

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

29 Aug 2010

HI all,

This is the 1st time i have written on this site, it just feels i have no where else to turn lately and i feel i am losing my mind more and more.

I was diagnosed end of april 2010 with breast cancer and too be honest it still hasnt fully sunk in!

In the beginning when i told people i have been diagnosed with cancer i was bomborded with texts etc no actual visits,except one friend who promised to be there through my journey, she came to appointments visited me in hospital for the 1st few weeks then just stopped, after that she started complaining and making nasty comments that it was all about me and this cancer thing is boring, and she no longer thinks about it she has more important things to think about!

I have never asked of anyone to do anything for me infact all my friends have been through some drama or another before i was diagnosed and i made sure i was there 24/7 for them always called them visited to check there ok and there late night phone calls of them telling me there problems.

But now i need them they do there upmost to make sure there busy so not to see me or take any calls, or i get come visit me if you like when they know full well im ill and unable to drive.

These are supposed to be my closest friends and we spoke daily now i never get a call On an odd occasion i got one, all my friend did was cut me off when i was talking and was going on about the sillyist thing bothering her, she is very materialistic and coming across as self centred which i never noticed before.

I have no one else to confide in and im generally a private person so the thought of attending help groups i just cant face right now.

I have just finished chemo, still on herceptin and have got mastectomy and radio next.

I just dont know whats going on in mind anymore, i see no one, and too be honest its hard to think positive. its sounds bad but i have basically spent weeks in my room drinking and smoking trying to block everything out.

I just feel theres nothing to look forward too and i dont know if i can do this on my own, i understand it might be hard 4 my friends to know what to say to me but i thought we were so close before and we could tell each other anything and it has kind of shocked me that the little things in there life are more important to them than what i am going through.

I have spoken to them and explained i feel alone and scared and the one who promised to be with me has responded by not contacting me for a month.

They know im am really struggling but choose to ignore me,they just make me feel worthless and no one would miss me if im gone.

Im sorry this is so long i just dont know what to do.

FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi Mate - Bloody hell you sure are suffering - so glad you felt able to take the first step of putting it all down and sharing your pain with us.

First - welcome to the Mac Site - None of us wanted to join - but very few will ever regret they have !

We are a group of Patients, Carers and Relatives - We have all been affected by Cancer in some ways.

Our Cancers and experiences are all different - but what we have got in common is we really do understand - we have been there or may even still be there now.

The big thing is Friends hear the word Cancer - and suddenly they get frightened - they are frightened to discuss it with us - maybe in case we don't know? They find it difficult to cope with our Cancer so they shy away - but still have it in their mind - so they do not feel capable of even having a normal conversation - in case they say the wrong thing.

What you have found is a Family on here who care, love, support, cry and yes even laugh together.

We understand the shock, numbness and fear that we all go through - when we ask how are you - its not a greeting - it means HOW ARE YOU !! - please tell us - we actually want to listen. You will find plenty of guys on here who have been down your road, same cancer, operations and treatments - they can explain how they coped and even answer the questions you have never really wanted to sk your Doctors.

You found the blog area already - if you feel ready try dropping into the cahat room some day or evening - you will usually find a few others there - sit and listen while you find your feet - or feel free to join in and ask anything you want - we are quite friendly honest.

This is getting long winded as a welcome note - but welcome anyway to the Mac Family

Take care

John xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

hi lonelyangel, its a fact you wont be lonely here. we undrstand how you feel and we'll give you all the support we can. i have friends who have experienced exactly the same as you...friends suddenly find you invisible. its not really their fault. after the initial shock of being told about your cancer their life goes back to normal, yours doesnt but many dont understand especially if youre a coper and put on a brave face and dont really present as being ill. you sound very depressed, have you considered counselling? it may help. there are loads of people in Macland who will help you. dont be afraid to ask us.

try to keep cheerful

hugs and kisses

sue xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hello and welcome. Your story is a common theme on here. Most people have found that friends vanish after they have been diagnosed with cancer. Personally, like you, I cannot understand that, but can only assume that some people find it difficult to deal with this and don't know what to say.

You will get loads of support on here and will surely make many new friends who understand how you are feeling.

I myself was diagnosed with breast cancer 7 years ago in December, so I have some understanding of how you must be feeling right now. Feel free to ask anything you like, I am always on here.

I hope you continue to come on site and get some support.

Best wishes, Christine xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi, really sorry to hear your story it must be very hard for you right now,, its my husband who has cancer and every time i have needed a bit of support there is someone on here ,, just wondered if you have a Macmillan nurse that could maybe put you in touch with your local Macmillan unit so you could go along and meet people,,, please take care xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi

Sorry you're feeling so low. You may not feel like it will but it really will help to talk about how you feel. We all have some experience of the friends thing and sadly we can't change the way they deal with it but we can decide how we as individuals will deal with it! To be honest if they have nothing to offer you really don't need them in your life at moment because slefish as it may sound you need to concentrate on yourself and getting better. Try dropping into Chat - it's a great group in there and many BC sufferers use it - myself included.

I was diagnosed with BC in March 2010 - had mastectomy, coming up to last chemo, rt to go, started Herceptin, so similar situation to yourself.

Dig deep and find the strength to keep moving forward, Hard as it sounds you can find new friends if needs be (and you will on here) but there's only one you,

Look after yourself and all the best

Love and hugs

Maxine xxx
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