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Thoughts of 38 year old single mum with Grade III IDC ER+ve HER-2+ve breast cancer with axillary node involvement.
I’m feeling a bit like someone who made a New Year’s Resolution but whose enthusiasm is flagging. The positivity and determination I had when I set all my goals is just not there a lot of the time. So, to light the necessary fire underneath my backside, I’ve decided to write...get it down in black and white for all to witness.
Life has thrown some obstacles (aside from the obvious!) in my path to achieving my goals:
As a progress check, this is where I stand at the moment with my goals that I set right at the beginning of treatment:
Things I am doing well:
Things I am doing better:
Things I am doing worse:
Things I am doing badly:
Ok, well writing it down, I am doing ok on more than half of my goals at least!! And stepping back, I can see that it’s as a result of external factors that I am doing well at yoga (class attendance) and eating healthy meals (Gousto). That’s interesting - just goes to show that trying to do it on your own is more difficult.
So….what to do about the 5 not so good goals? Hmmmm…… They either need to be tweaked, swapped or scrapped.
Daily mindful meditation - I know this really works for me so it’s really important to do it. Sometimes I forget about it and then remember just before I go to bed and then decide I’m too tired. Seems I need to set a trigger at an appropriate time….Right, on the days I have Q, I will meditate straight after I have put him to bed - quiet time, before I get too tired. That’s generally about 8pm so on days when I don’t have him, I will set an alarm for 8pm to try and get into a routine.
Reading about buddhism - I’m going to swap this one. I got fed up with the book as I think the author was starting to stretch things out and was going spectacularly off topic. I think I have got the gist of it and am not actually trying to become a buddhist. Instead, I am going to start learning Spanish!! Hola! I have downloaded an app called ‘Duolingo’ and have a Spanish friend with whom I can practise.
Waking up at 7am every day - again, I think this is an important one so maybe also needs a bit of tweaking. Even though I promise myself every night I seem to fail at it, sigh. Something that has helped is a daylight lamp. I would recommend one to anyone who struggles with waking up when it’s still dark outside. It simulates a sunrise and will be at full ‘daylight’ at the time you want to wake up. I find that it is not such a shock to the system when the alarm goes off and I feel more awake and not so desperate to hit snooze!!However, although this has helped, I am still struggling (obviously just lazy!). I am going to try setting a curfew for going to bed and see if this helps. So…10pm it is. I am also going to get my coffee machine out of storage and set it to brew at 7am. That should get me moving!
Walk/run every day - hmmmm….not sure what I am going to do about this one. I don’t have the money to join the gym or buy any equipment for home and I know I won’t go out if the weather is bad. Ok, I’m going to look for a DVD so that I can do a ‘class’ at home on the days I can’t go out. No excuse then!
Art - don’t really understand why I am struggling with this. I am going to try going to one of the cancer group centres with my art stuff once a week. I’ve been meaning to go anyway so this might be a solution.
Well, I feel that writing this all down has helped. Even just had an apple and some green tea instead of my usual cuppa with something a bit naughty…whoop!
"A woman is like a tea bag; you cannot tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
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