So about two months ago my mum started showing symptoms of uterine cancer and after a month's worth of scans, exams and being screwed around by a horrendously negligent doctor, she was finally diagnosed at the start of this month with stage 4 bowel cancer.
At first, the doctors all insisted that the cancer was still curable despite showing signs of having spread to her lungs but after having a PET scan it could be seen that there were lesions all over both lungs, and on Tuesday this week we were told that the cancer was now terminal. It came as a huge shock to us all as our only shred of hope for ages had been the word 'curable'.
The prognosis was that without chemo she'd have a matter of months, with chemo the average length of time people survive is two and a half years. She is going to go ahead with the treatment so that hopefully we can have a few more years together.
I think for me the biggest struggle is accepting the fact that this can happen to someone who really seems far too young to have her life cut so short. My mum is only 53 and my brother and I are 23 and 20 respectively, she and my dad divorced years ago so really it's just the three of us. People keep saying that my brother and I are too young to be dealing with this and I am inclined to agree with them, I think I somehow always expected my parents to be around forever.
What is amazing is that my mum and my brother are both taking this fairly well. They are thinking very practically about financial matters and also ensuring that we make the most of the time we have left together by planning fun activities. I feel like a bit of a downer because I'm really struggling to keep up such a positive attitude while inside I feel like I'm being torn apart.
When my mum was first diagnosed, I made the decision to temporarily withdraw from my course of study at university, I've just finished my second year but I am now postponing my final year until October 2017. I made this decision because my brother is moving out and starting his first full-time job at the start of September and my mum will be going through the bulk of her treatment over the next six months and needs someone at home to look after her and drive her to and from the hospital for chemo. So that's what I'll be doing.
As incredibly important and necessary it was that I took this year out, when I made the decision I couldn't help feel somewhat devastated that I would be leaving behind the familiarity and routine of university and that I would no longer be graduating with my friends. It was a painful decision to make but my mum needs me and that's what really matters.
While my brother is around over the next month, he has insisted that I at least take some time to myself so I'm making trips to London and France next week for a bit of me time.
Bit of a lengthy start to the blog but just needed to say it.
Until next time.
