Apologies for not writing in my blog... 

The last month has been so full of appointments with so many different doctors and consultants and tests ready for my STC that there just never seemed to be time to just sit for two minutes and type out all the emotions I’m feeling.  

The endless lists of things I needed to get together and conversations with friends and family that I didn’t want to have but they needed to know just in case.  No one wants to hear the ‘if I don’t make it’ words, that’s a very hard conversation to have especially with my girls... a lot of tears have been had but I promised them I won’t go out without a fight.

Well I’ve been given a bit of a reprieve as my stem cell transplant has now been delayed, my packed suitcase and endless amount of bags are sitting in my bedroom, all ready to take that bumpy journey that was, to of been tomorrow 11/9/18 so I’m taking advantage and sitting here catching up with all that I’ve missed this last month, enjoying a hot cup of coffee just for once, not a semi warm one out of a flask sitting in a transport vehicle at some ungodly hour in the morning. 

The reason for my reprieve? Well let’s just say that my teeth seem to like hiding small infections under all the dodgy dentistry done when I was younger and since having leukaemia they have deemed themselves more important and need dealing with first ... Three were removed last year because of my mysterious temperature spikes and now I am to lose two more to stop the same thing happening again .... I’m sure I’m not alone in saying this but ... I HATE DENTISTS .... I border on a nervous breakdown on the mere mention of them, physically shake whilst sitting in that torture chair, praying that they don’t need to do anything and run as soon as I can out that door to freedom.  Unlike last year where I had five injections and was subjected to an hour of torture, this Thursday I have been armed with some lovely diazepam just to get me through that door and I have been reassured that I will have plenty of gas and air so I won’t know what they're doing. Enough said on this subject as tummy’s churning at the mere thought !!

I realised this morning whilst trying to find some comfy clothes, that to make sure I had at least a months worth of clothes I had packed the majority of my entire wardrobe into my suitcase ... I rummaged through my underwear draw trying to hopefully find a decent pair of undies to put on ... jeez I need to sort that draw out... I finally found some but omg please don’t let me get rushed to hospital in them ... I think maybe I should half unpack tmrw and re-pack in a few weeks time.

So for now, I will get through Thursday as high as a kite hopefully and make the most of the few weeks I have at home before I face the next part of my journey into the unknown.