I'm 57 years old and have just been diagnosed with stomach cancer. This blog is intended for me to get my thoughts together and even, occasionally, rage against this disease.
Stomach cancer metastasis in peritoneum. I have something called peritoneal carcinomatosis. I was told on 4th July that my cancer is incurable. The only treatment they can offer me is more of the FLOT chemotherapy. I will continue to have chemo cocktails every two weeks until the tumour stops responding or my body can no longer tolerate it. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster these last few weeks and have been feeling very down. I feel like I'm just marking time between treatments which isn't really a life. There have been much more tears this time around. At the moment I'm trying to put my affairs in order to make things easier for my daughter when the time comes. To make matters worse, my ex-husband with whom I am still friends, is embarking on a new relationship with a lady he met on a dive trip. Diving was something we did together and it's difficult to hear him planning a future filled with diving when I don't have one. It's getting more and more difficult to put on a brave face.
Hello AMLux, I just read your message. Please know that its good your sharing your thoughts on this site. When your faced with news like this family and friends need to be super sensitive to your feelings. You have every right to feel how you do and anybody would feel exactly the same as you do. Is there any chance your daughter could have a word with her Dad? Please know that you have lots of support on this site. If only I had a magic wand. I'm here for you AMLux anytime you want to talk. Its a huge shock for you to take in. I've noticed on this wonderful McMillan site that there are categories' for people at different stages, different cancers and support for you, family and friends, so it might be worth checking out people in the same position as you as they may well have some good advice and experience's. Please keep in touch, hopefully your ex husband will realise. Tracey xx
Hello. Just read your message from five days ago. I'm 52 and was diagnosed directly with incurable cervical cancer on 22 May. So I skipped a lot of the hopeful bit (of being one day cancer-free).
However, I can relate to the disconnect with those around us, who don't / can't understand how we feel.
What struck me as I went through the first few weeks was that we arrive at the diagnosis with all our other baggage and I have found it useful to try to keep that baggage as separate from the cancer-related issues as possible, if that makes sense. Just because it makes it easier to manage / cope with.
1 X (sibling / parent / partner) is controlling (pre-existed cancer - solution: how do I lessen the impact of that attempt to control me / my treatment etc)
2 I am anxious about the next treatment (cancer-related but perhaps I have a tendency to be anxious anyway - solution: seek information / peace of mind and relaxation, whatever eases the anxiety).
Relationship problems pre-existed and would have evolved without the cancer diagnosis, the same is true of pre-existing health conditions / work / money problems, or the other issues we all have with self-esteem or self-image etc.
However, keeping things separate is hard to do because cancer brings them to the fore, as we sometimes have less work / more time to mull things over / travelling to appointments and treatment time are also conducive to reflection we might otherwise avoid through activity.
I've read a very good book, found at Maggie's at Barts, called the Cancer Roller Coaster, which encourages the reader to look at the losses they face through cancer. It has exercises to help guide the thinking around what are complex and painful issues.
I hope some of the above is helpful, but in any case, that things get easier for you.
With very best wishes, and a picture of the Magnolia Grandiflora from the local park :-)
I have specifically logged on today to see if there is any news from you and I am so sorry to read this update. You were a constant support for me last year when I had to deal with everything for my husband and I am so sorry that you are now facing this.I am sure you have lots of friends on here and also your own family but please know that I am here if you need to rage or chat.
Much love my friend.
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