MelanieL

Reflections On My Journey With Loving And Losing

After having lost the love of my life to cancer in spring of 2018, I want to share some reflections on what I have learned in the role as his carer, and on my grieving process. I hope this blog will be of help to some.

Latest Entries
  • Reflections On My Journey With Loving And Losing

    When To Love Means To Let Go

    This time last year, I was sitting by my husband's bedside in the hospital and I said the words that were the most beautiful and the most heart-breaking words I would ever say: It is okay if you want to let go now." Those words were the most beautiful and loving words I could say to him. I knew how courageously he had been battling with prostate...
  • Reflections On My Journey With Loving And Losing

    The Final Hours

    We were in the DayWard for a long time. Nurses came in and took bloods for different blood tests. The oncologist came to insert a bladder catheter. They put Paul on bag after bag of fluids. And they put him on antibiotics. I held Paul's hand, stroked his arm, stroked his forehead and spoke to him gently telling him that I loved him, that we were getting...
  • Reflections On My Journey With Loving And Losing

    The Final Months

    Paul had to go for a further set of scans in early February of 2017. By that time he had been off Chemotherapy for almost five weeks and we were both concerned that the cancer might start to grow again if we didn't continue Chemotherapy soon. One week after the scans we had the appointment with the oncologist. "The scans are the same as the last scans...
  • Reflections On My Journey With Loving And Losing

    The First Months On Chemotherapy

    "You see," the oncologist said calmly, "what has happened here is that your cancer has spread into the liver." I can still remember the shocked silence in the room. Even though we had been expecting to hear this, when we actually heard it, we felt really shocked. I don't know what Paul was thinking, but I know that I thought: Once cancer has metastasised...
  • Reflections On My Journey With Loving And Losing

    The Importance Of Scans

    Before I continue telling our story, I want to share a thought I am really passionate about: Scans for patients with any form of advanced cancer have to be performed every six months. It is not right to only perform scans when the patient has developed symptoms or when specific tumor markers have gone beyond the normal range. Many tumors would be discovered...