Set my alarm clock - I knew I would be awake for most of the night and would thus struggle to get up in time for the phone appointment without loud, jangling, mechanical assistance. Gave myself plenty of time for caffeine and nicotine intake before the doctor phoned.
He phones, right on time. Small talk about Tamoxifen and side effects out of the way, he proceeded to tell me I had had a CT scan in March and it was stable. I knew that. He then told me he wanted to order a CT scan to see what it was doing now. I told him that I had had one on Tuesday - this was a huge surprise to him and he asked me again when I had had it. I repeated that it was Tuesday of this week and it was done in the tin shed in the car park.
So he said the best thing to do was arrange another appointment for a fortnight or so - I thought to myself "Oh no you bloody don't - another fortnight of this stress? F**k that" and asked him if there was any way I could get the results sooner. I told him my nerves were on edge and I couldn't stand this for another fortnight. He claimed that CT results took at least ten days. Rubbish. On one occasion, they got them back in two days. Generally, I have the scan at the beginning of the week and get the results on Friday. He did say he would try and speed it up a bit and that he would ring sooner if possible, but given that I had to make a dozen phone calls to actually get the scan in the first place, (the hospital has developed a habit of booking a follow up results appointment without actually booking the scan and then acting all surprised when I ring to query this) - I'm not holding my breath.
Don't they realise how much stress we're under, waiting for results? I mean, I'm 99% sure there's been no change, but the other 1% is located at 4am in the morning and usually wakes me up to shriek about it. Rationally, I know that two weeks delay in treatment (if needed) is neither here nor there but that 1% likes to remind me it's been six months since the last scan and who knows what has happened in that time. *I* know nothing has happened, but that little voice doesn't know that and never, ever sees the value of STFU.
I've been with this new oncologist for over a year and couldn't pick him out of a crowd of two. I've not met him yet. Thanks to the new be-all and end-all illness COVID, I'm sure I'm not the only one in this f***ing nerve-wracking limbo.
COVID is affecting many, many more people than the Official Daily Infected Figure. We are the ignored and forgotten victims of COVID.
I go back and edit out the swear words - I don't want to offend anyone! Thank you for your lovely comment.
Thank you for your amazing blog. I unfortunately relate to a lot of this and to the feelings you have- I would probably use more swear words though! It’s bad enough dealing with what we have to go through but covid on top is just an added bag of shit!
Hey, I hope they come back to you with results soon.. It really is horrible not knowing x
Whatever cancer throws your way, we’re right there with you.
We’re here to provide physical, financial and emotional support.
© Macmillan Cancer Support 2020
© Macmillan Cancer Support, registered charity in England and Wales (261017), Scotland (SC039907) and the Isle of Man (604). Also operating in Northern Ireland. A company limited by guarantee, registered in England and Wales company number 2400969. Isle of Man company number 4694F. Registered office: 89 Albert Embankment, London SE1 7UQ. VAT no: 668265007