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In this blog, Editorial Assistant Helen talks about some of the difficulties you might face if your partner has cancer, and shares some ideas on how to show your partner that you care.
It’s Valentine’s Day and it’s impossible to escape the deluge of sappy cards, bright red glittery hearts and the mountains of red roses that have been flooding the shops for the last month. But it doesn’t have to be Valentine’s Day to show your partner that you care about them.
If you or your partner is diagnosed with cancer, it can be an extremely stressful time. Disagreements and misunderstandings are not unusual. We all have our own ways of coping and you and your partner may react differently.
Your feelings Cancer can cause a wide range of feelings including grief, anger, and uncertainty. You and your partner may both have these feelings but may have them at different times. You may each have good days when you feel positive, and bad days when your fears and worries are stronger.
Some of these feelings may be:
CommunicationSometimes people don’t want to talk about their feelings in case it upsets their partner. But it is alright to allow yourselves to be sad and upset. This is a natural reaction when you are coping with cancer in your lives.
Discussing your fears or concerns can help put your feelings into perspective. Talking about your feelings may make it easier for your partner to do the same.
Similarly, listening is just as important as talking. We all like to feel like we’ve been heard, especially when talking about a serious issue.
You may feel helpless and unsure how to comfort your partner. But just listening to them when they want to talk can make a real difference. You don’t need to have all the answers – listening can be enough.
We have resources on how to talk about cancer.
Showing your partner you careThere are many big and small ways to show your partner you care. Some are practical. Others may be less obvious but can still be important.
Here are a few ways you could show your partner that you care about them:
We hope that you found this blog about cancer and your partner helpful. Remember that if someone you love has cancer, we have lots of information available to support you, which you can order or download here.
To see what else Macmillan's cancer information team has been blogging about, please visit our blog home page! You can subscribe to receive our blogs by email or RSS too.
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The Macmillan team is here to help. Our cancer support specialists can answer your questions, offer support, or simply listen if you need a chat. Call us free on 0808 808 00 00.
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I know that valentine's day is mostly for couples, but for me it will also be for my brother.
He had cancer of the oesophagus and a sweet wife who loves him and took wonderful care of him every day and night. She stood beside him all the way, however bad or good it was.
This year has been a damned hard time for our family. Each day was spent just counting the hours until the next day.
The valentine's night I had a dream of my brother, he looked really good and we were talking about everything. He hugged me and told me that it doesn't hurt anymore, I woke up feeling very calm and relaxed. Then I checked my messages, I had one from my eldest brother,,, he said my brother had died on the night and wanted to let me know.
It's like a wall falling on top of me. I'm on my own except for my dog Booboo, my parents don't really talk to me much about things and sometimes I feel like I'm not even part of the same family.
I can honestly say that each year will hurt more than the last one, to top it all, he's being cremated on my dad's birthday.
I wish I had someone who I could hug and let all this emotion out to. I'm disabled and suffer from PTSD so I can't even get to the cremation. I wouldn't dream of asking if anyone else could give me a lift.
Memories of events like this are definitely going to be ones that i'd rather not remember.
All the best, Liza
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