Struggling to talk to those closest to you?

3 minute read time.

There’s no doubt that talking about cancer can be difficult. Perhaps you’re reluctant to talk because you don’t know where to start or what to say. If you’re still not sure how you feel about everything, then attempting to talk to your loved ones about it can seem impossible. Or maybe it’s those around you who are reluctant to talk – they may be nervous or awkward around you, or avoid the issue.

But talking about your cancer can help you and your loved ones feel closer to one another. It may also help you cope better with the challenges and uncertainties caused by the cancer. We hope this blog and the information it links to will help you feel more confident about talking to your loved ones about cancer.

After I was diagnosed with cancer, I found it an enormous relief to be able to talk to someone about my feelings

The benefits of talking

Putting things into words helps us make sense of events and leaves us feeling more in control of them. Discussing fears or concerns often helps us understand them better and put them into perspective. Often when we’re thinking about something all the time, we worry about it more and more. Once the fear is out in the open and is being discussed, this process often stops.

Telling your friends and family

If you don’t know where to start when telling people about your illness, the tips on our page Telling your friends and family may help. Things like choosing the right setting and making sure you won’t be interrupted can make a big difference.

Talking about your situation can help your friends to support you in the future, and may also help you to not feel so alone. The act of talking can also make you feel better as though a ‘weight has been lifted off you’, even if nothing has changed.

How will they react?

You may worry about how your family or friends will react. Will they withdraw from you? Will they blame you?

It can be difficult to deal with other people’s emotions and reactions to your situation. Some people can’t cope with their own emotions and may tend to avoid difficult situations. People can react very differently to the news that you have cancer. Our page Responding to other people has some tips for dealing with different reactions, including avoidance, denial and fear.

Knowing what to say is difficult for everyone who is affected by cancer. But finding the courage to talk could make all the difference to your cancer journey.

Order our free booklet Talking about your cancer now. It contains tips and advice for talking to your loved ones about cancer and can help you understand and deal with other people’s responses:

Image of the booklet Talking about your cancer

We’re with you every step of the way

The Macmillan team is always here to help – if you’d like to talk to someone, please get in touch.  We have a team of experts who can answer any questions you have, offer support, or simply listen if you need a chat. Call us free on 0808 808 00 00.

Is this blog useful? What would you like to see on this blog? What would be helpful? We’d love to hear your thoughts, so please feel free to leave a comment below (you need to be logged in – if you still can't see the comment box, click on this blog's title at the top).

Keep in touch Follow Macmillan’s cancer information team on Twitter @mac_cancerinfo

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hello there I have not communicated for a very long time thinking I was clear but the latest scan alerts to possible return. I have just completely changed my life, retiring, moving to the sea, watching my family emigrate. And I feel alone and sad. I don't know if this message is going in the right place place on your site. I hope so. Another thing that makes me feel alone is I've never met any cholangiocarcinoma sufferers. Macmillan have no reference to it. There's just no support. Help.please help.
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi lee just came across your comment on this post randomly but really breaks my heart to see someone feeling so alone. I've found the macmillan community really helpful at a really rubbish time in life and hope you find it as helpful as others have. I know you don't know me but always here if you need someone to talk to.
  • Hi Lee, So sorry you are feeling so sad and alone.  I hope the "possible return" turns out not to be cancer but you must be so worried at the moment and feeling so alone must make it even harder for you.

    I see you did join the bile cancer group when you first joined the site. If you post a message there then you will be able to chat to others who have experienced similar to you and have some knowledge of your cancer type.  Hopefully chatting with other members will help you feel less alone. You can also phone the macmillan support line and talk to one of the team there if you just need to chat to someone and there is also the live chat room here which isn't open 24 hours a day but you may find it helpful.

    There is some information on the site about cholangiocarcinoma. Here is the link:

    cholangiocarcinoma

    I hope you find the site helpful, it is such a supportive place

    Kind regards,

    Hiloa 

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Lee,

    I'm so sorry you are feeling so alone. Please, get in touch with us if you feel you could - we are on 0808 808 00 00 (Mon-Fri, 9am-8pm) and we're here to talk, listen, whatever you need. Talking things through with one of our cancer support specialists could help you feel better. They also give some good practical advice. 

    I hope the Online Community helps - there are so many wonderful, supportive people on here that you can chat to, and they understand what it's like to face cancer. It looks like you've joined the group for bile duct cancer which is good. There's also a group for talking about emotional issues which you might find helpful.

    As the other guys have said, we do have a web page on cholangiocarcinoma and also one on Coping with loneliness.

    I hope this helps somewhat.

    Abi

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    O my! I have just found your wonderful tender comments. I got lost in a dark place for a while and thought I hadn't been heard. Abi, Hiloa and magick thank you. I have made contact with the bile duct group and sharing is Soooo humbling. My condition pales next to theirs and has helped me put everything into perspective. I await only one result from hospital at present and it looks like I'll have a years grace if that is a good result. Regards and blessings