I’m feeling a little dark and even bitter today. Those of us waiting for life-saving cancer surgery or treatment are experiencing cancellations and indefinitely long waiting times. We are the invisible collateral damage in this pandemic. I spoke with my consultant back in November and he mentioned that we don’t yet know the statistics for deaths caused by delays to treatment or cancellations. The secondary death rate from this pandemic that no one is talking about yet. Well, that’s us. That’s me now. It’s a bit surreal and I ask myself if I’m over dramatizing. I tell people my situation and as I listen to myself I wonder if it’s true. Can it possibly be true that I have a cancer diagnosis and I can’t get treatment for it? Yes, it’s true! What do I do now? I’m struggling to walk far. By evening I’m in considerable pain. I’m living alone. And there is nothing to pin my hopes on. Meanwhile, the tumour grows and cancer cells travel around the body through the lymphatic system. At least that’s what I imagine. It’s very scary. And when it’s not scaring me, it’s just depressing. Keeping busy helps. Talking with friends helps. Lots of things help somewhat. But not knowing how long for is tough. I still can’t quite believe that this is my life now, but it is. Survival. One day at a time.