'What Grief Has Taught Me' by Melanie - Vol 1 'The ever changing journey of my grief'

In today’s Community News Blog we have the first volume of our new guest blog series, ‘What Grief has taught me’ by Community member MelanieL. Melanie has been a member of the Community and a contributor to the Prostate cancer, Carers only and Bereaved spouses and partners discussion groups for a long time. Melanie lost her husband to an advanced form of prostate cancer in May of 2018. In this series Melanie explains what she has learned in her journey through bereavement so far, in the hope that it will be of help to many.

Volume 1 - The ever-changing journey of my grief

I have learned that my journey with my grief is an ever-changing, and certainly not a linear, one. Believe me, I used to have so many ideas about how my grief was going to be; for example, I used to think that at first I would feel very low and then gradually feel better and better in myself or that at first I would cry an awful lot and then gradually cry less until eventually I would stop crying.

But the truth was that I would sometimes feel very forlorn and sometimes feel a little better and sometimes feel good but that there was no particular order in which these changing feelings would occur. Sometimes I would have a very mournful day followed by a really good day followed by a very tearful day followed by an okay day. And sometimes I would experience all of the feelings from very low to very high all on the same day or even all of them within one hour.

I realise that there has been a little bit of a linear process in the sense that I do have fewer very down days now than I used to have in the immediate aftermath of Paul’s passing. But most of the process is up and down, back and forth, ever-changing and certainly not linear. It never ceases to astonish me.

And there is so much comfort in knowing this because I do know now that when I am feeling very wistful or a little bit panicked about the future or anxious because Paul is not here, those feelings will pass and there will be different and better feelings somewhere along the way. And I would love you to get some comfort from knowing this too. 

We want to thank Melanie for kindly sharing her words with us. We will be posting more of Melanie’s writing throughout the next few weeks here on the Community News Blog. The Community is a place where anyone who has been affected by cancer can talk openly with others who may have been in a similar situation. Our ‘Bereaved spouses and partners group, as well as our Bereaved family and friends’ group, are safe spaces dedicated to providing support to those who have lost loved ones to cancer.