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I am blogging my way through my personal journey with Bladder Cancer. How I experience it, how it affects my family, the highs and the lows. Follow me along the way.
I am writing to you whilst scoffing bacon sandwiches, lovingly made by Mr H, and watching Homes Under the Hammer (one of my secret pleasures).
I'm sorry that the last blog was so bleak. It was a blog that was already written it just hadn't been published. It was always the most likely option being that miracles in my world seem to be highly lacking lately.
I told you we were going to go to Scarborough to visit my Dad, Step Mum and the oldest two Hunters as they are on holiday there.
Well we went regardless of the latest news. I could be sat in my bedroom surrounded by boxes of Kleenex (other brands are available) feeling incredibly sorry for myself and not one person I think would begrudge me.
But we have severely limited time left so I want to spend it doing stuff the kids will enjoy. That Mr H and I will enjoy. Let the happy stuff cram in now ready to soften the blow later.
We have had to book to speak to funeral directors and will be getting Bob (my beautiful old 2CV) ready for sale as he will pay for my funeral. I will also have to arrange to hand my beautiful Fiat 500 (Luigi) in mint green with a soft top back to as I will struggle to drive him.
Anyhow back to how I am determined not to sit crying all day.
We got in the car early Wednesday morning and drove to Scarborough, well Filey, a small town close by. We arrived and were greeted with lovely hugs and love from the oldest two. The Twins were quite happy to see them too.
We all hopped into the cars after a coffee and went to Peasholme Park, via a ride on a small train which delighted all of us, Mr H especially. This is about trying to lessen the load. Give us all something to smile about or distract us.
The ability of the seaside which brings back memories of a childhood well spent to heal the heart can never be underestimated. It definitely helps me.
We walked about, had a coffee and cake and bought the children small gifts from the shop. Today they were allowed to look at the toys and decide which one they wanted within reason. I was determined they should get what they wanted. The boys chose a fire engine, space shuttle, mini and go-kart respectively. Little miss H chose something hidden in an egg.
The next day we took the children to the beach not just any old beach though, the same beach in Bridlington that my parents took me to when I was a baby.
It feels like things going full circle. Although the weather was a bit dodgy it didn't stop us, being English and being on holiday. The kids splashed about, build sandcastles and found odd and unusual stones (dinosaur bones). We ate salty chips and had ice-cream then went to play on the amusements, just as I would as a small child, the penny pushes and ride ons (trains, cars merry go rounds).
Then we drove home late on leaving the others to the rest of their holiday. I'm determined to fit in much more of time like this before I can't do it.
Cancer you are an absolute bastard but I will fill every moment I have left with joy, love and hope that a cure will be found for those still fighting and those yet to be diagnosed.
So pleased you are all having a good time and as you say making memories. Very important for you all. Wishing you more of the same, sending best wishes and lots of love and positive thoughts and hopes.
Thankyou for including us all in your journey so happy you had a lovely holiday of near normality
Or maybe even Mrs Hunter. I only just wanted to say that you are a true inspiration to everyone on the Macmillan Community, whether they are a carer or someone with their own challenges with cancer. Your approach to this blog demonstrates such altruism, such fortitude and a wonderful and subtle sense of humour ( other brands are available). It is written in a form that beams positive attitudes, to all of us. No-one, even those not here, and out in their youth, healthily kicking footballs, climbing mountains etc, have not got truly unlimited time. Meanwhile those of us here reflect rather too often on our own immense frailties and mortality.
You are busily building memories and having family fun, often so absent, amongst many families, even when we are fit and able. You recognise that each of us lives on while we exist in the memories of our loved ones. Churchill is remembered because he is spoken about, and perhaps because he has a few statues too. I was a few miles away but visited his grave to say thank you, now years ago. Only the few get statues, roads named after them, or their name is a brand name they built. the rest of us can live through generations by enduring memories in our own families. That would work for me.
Thank you for inspiring me and for sharing your very special times. My thoughts are with you
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