I really do not know what to do with myself, im so bloody miserable ! and its just not me (despite my last few blogs),, i honestly feel worse than when ju first died, i dont know if i was in shock or if it was just relief that he was at peace at last (that sounds terrible but hope fully you know what i mean ) or maybe im just exausted, still not sleeping properly , im pissed of with the world, ive never felt angry so why now ? , and as for friend who asked me today if id got rid off all ju,s clothes so i could go shopping and fill wardrobe up,Bol*****s, i nearly punched her ,
ive just read that back and i sound horrible ,but you all know thats not me, im kind and gentle and would do anything for anyone, im quiet and patient , i just want to help other people , i also have to face the gossip about the young widow at football tonight , last time i told them what i thought it just slipped out :) , which also isnt like me , but i need kindness at the moment or they can just ignore me ,which is what i told them,
to be honest i think sadly all i need is a cuddle ,which is what im so missing and maybe some tlc , but its not going to happen ,i know that but doesnt stop me missing ju so much , and feeling so sad that i cant have that , or even the way we used to talk things out every day and put the world to rights, we would have laughed at the gossips together ,but not so easy on your own as im finding out the hard way , i hid in doors in the beginning as couldnt cope but im not going to let them, win, no matter how much it hurts , ju wouldnt want that, he also wouldnt want me feeling so sorry for myself but i think , im just grieving as i should be ,and maybe in a few days will feel a bit better , lets hope so anyway !!!
