Disillusioned with Chat...don't all attack at once!

3 minute read time.

Hi folks,

This has taken me sometime to put together because I know it is a sensitive subject so I hope I have addressed it correctly. 

In February of last year, I stumbled across What Now.  It was at a time when I was feeling very low and alone.  I’ve been living with cancer now since March 2004, so I wish I had come across this site much sooner!  I have since acquired some amazing friends from this site whom I love to bits :0)

I was so nervous when I first went into the chat room, but straight away Rose09 said hi and asked how I was, I told her I was new etc and slowly I revealed my story, I got so much support that evening, I came away feeling so much better knowing I had found this group who knew what I was going through and were happy to listen.

It’s because of the warm welcome, that I have (I hope) always said hello to new people, encouraged them to talk, share their worries.  I remember how nervous I was that first night in chat and I was a “cancer veteran” so to speak, so goodness knows how the newly diagnosed feel when entering chat for the first time, terrified and unsure to say the least.

Now I’m going to throw the cat amongst the pigeons here because I’m sure there are a lot of people who are going to disagree with me.  Let me make this clear, this is MY experience and my opinion of recent events in chat.  I also want to make it clear that this isn’t just since the merge of What Now and Mac, I had issues long before that.

I have felt for some time now disillusioned with chat.  I loved chat, it was somewhere to go and meet people, share good news, share fears, celebrate life and mourn the passing of friends.  However there have been on occasion people who have made what I feel are inappropriate comments.  This site when all is said and done is a Cancer Support Group.  So yes it’s ok to have a laugh etc but it is also ok for people who are having a tough time to talk about their fears or any issues they may be trying to work through, it’s also a place where “newbies” be it newly diagnosed or simply new to the site should be nurtured and encouraged to talk which in turn will make them want to come back, after all surely that is the main aim?  I think it’s unacceptable that some people have been made to feel as if they are spoiling the fun, some of whom have actually even been told so.  We have to remember that it is first impressions that count in chat and if we don’t interact with new visitors then they won’t return and they may be in dire need of the support that we all know we can offer!

I’m not aiming this at anyone in particular, as I have said it is a general observation about the change that seems to have occurred in chat.  I hope it doesn’t last, it will be a shame.  I have thought recently of just not bothering with it, but then I think that is silly and selfish because there will always be days when I need the comfort and support of chat and days where someone may need comfort and support from me, so I’m here to stay and for those of you who have also become disillusioned with chat, I hope you reconsider and come back.  It is after all a fantastic site!

Love and Peace

Indie xx

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    My sentiments and experience has been the same as Chrissi Q and Lynnie, in recent months.

    I won't go back on Chat although I find the site fabulous in other ways, take care Lynne

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hey Chick, betcha didn't think we'd all be agreeing with ya huh!

    I have noticed that everyone ends up in the same room.....there is another room people can go to for a laugh and a chat.

    Yes we do need experienced chatters  in both rooms to welcome aboard the new people with the same fabulous support I got when I joined last Feb/March time.  I believe that the doctors fixed me physically but the people on this site have helped put me back together emotionally.

    I was lucky I came to chat on a day where people didn't let me wallow, they chatted and asked me questions and within the hour were gently teasing me.  I left having laughed a lot and felt so much better.

    Yes its true we have "friends" in the chatroom and its all too easy to get yakking and not notice people come in, but we all have to make the effort.

    I don't use chat much at night because it gets so busy and the screen jumps for me, like a whole ten or 15 lines of chat at once!  I am a competent touch typist and when my brain is playing nice I can keep up with the best of them but you can see people dropping off one by one as it gets too much.

    Sometimes, we need to use the other room too and perhaps pop between the two.  There are lots of caring people on here and like Sarah says, together we can make it work.

    I may even pop in more often to terrorise you all ;)

    Love & Strength

    Debs xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Indie,

    I'm agreeing with you too!  Although I do think that it's because chat can get so busy at night and move so fast.  I know there's another room available, but who knows who you might miss if you go in there.  It could be like being at a party and finding out Brad had been in the next room.  I do still try to watch out for newbies and people struggling and will often try to engage people in a one on one chat (but not in a stalkery way!!) especially if they share my type of cancer.  I don't really like the new format of the chat room though, it's difficult to talk one on one and still see what's occuring in the main room...

    I'll stick with it though.

    Marsha x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    indie, what you have said has been spot on! When u first go on it can be quite hard to know what the conversations are about and i think it depends on how u deal with it sometimes ive sat back and watched and other times ive jumped in with the quiestions, ie what u all chatting about? or how is everyone? as this will hopefully include me., but i think also that it depends on your frame of mind at the time you are using chat, sometimes it is hard when u want to cry and everyones laughing or vice versa.

    The thing we all need to do is remember to watch for the people arriving and be as welcoming as possible, ask people how they are doing and offer that all important support that we all so desperatly need at times throughout our time in chat.

    I am glad that you brought the subject up as it will give everyone a little food for thought xxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I so miss the welcome smiley we had, whenever someone said it was their first time all this smiley waving welcome signs with from Essex, Yorkshire etc etc after.

    Certainly made people feel welcome......at least it did me!