I have just been diagnosed with breast cancer, well in fact just 5 long whole days ago. I am not sure how I am feeling as it is all still quite surreal i am numb. I think i may have lost touch with reality or in total denial.......................
Before i know it i will be going through a mastectomy in the next two weeks, i want the slice and dice to be over, i want the chemo now! I want to cry, shout scream and ask the question we probably all do initially WHY.
My family are wonderful but are strugg.ling to come to terms with it and what is ahead, my work colleagues are the best but how can they ever understand.
I have developed several masks, my work mask is happy go lucky Jules, bring it on I can do this its only CANCER, I am indestructable....................... my home mask is one of lets all be normal and carry on where we left off before the fateful results day I am invincable.............................my private mask is o god where do i go from here,o god what will happen, o god how will i get through and it cries quite often.
My MRI scan is next week just to confirm that i have two unwelcome visitors in my breast, they are grade 2 invasive lobular tumors (wow dont i sound so medical) I know I have to be positive but it is so so hard, today is a mediocre day yesterday was a bad day and tomorrow, well its not here yet and who knows what that will bring. I think the cruel hand of fate has already played its part for now.
