Has anyone else had something similar ! my neighbour says to hubby, whoooo jan doesn't look well at all. so hubby thinks ! i'll mention that shes got thyriod cancer and shes having her third treatment, she used to work at hospital, so she knows abit about it. anyway i come home on thursday, washed my clothes like they say i have to and there on line, now anyother time she'll knock on window and say jan its raining. now its just its raining and i'm thinking to my self have i got two heads or something cant even say my name. all i want is people to be same, say hello have a chat, just be same as always. it's as if all of a sudden they don't know what to say so they don't bother, i'm not different or a least don't think i am.so i've desidered not to talk about it to them. just act like nothings up, it's got me mad. narrow minded people.
FormerMember
Yes we had something similar. We have a couple we go out with and have holidayed with on a number of occasions, who we heard nothing from when Laurence was diagnoised and emails stopped coming. One day my son came home and said he'd seen Paul in town. He'd said that Paul had said they hadn't been in touch because he just didn't know what to say or how to act., he was actually frightened he may upset us. I rung them up and said that he was upsetting us more by not being there. He was embarrassed the first time he came but now he's gotten over it. In fact we are out tonight with them. Just make the first move you broach the subject, tell her you want to be the same. She's probably beating her self up over not knowing what to say!!!!. Go on give her another chance.
We had this too, people don't want to say the wrong thing but just to say something is better than either ignoring you completely or, pretend nothing is happening! I end up feeling more sorry for the other person in the end haha. I generally try to put them at ease and carry on as normal. Hope your neighbour stops being a wally, you would think as she used to be in a hospital environment, she would be a good friend to have, just shows, you never can tell :-)
try to be as normal as possible with people which you are trying to be, I know when you say just treat me as normal as thats what I tell friends too, I also know now how much to share with who, some only ask how you are out of politness.
You may also need to develop a thick skin, as some insensitve comments will be made without people thinking, also many people do not know how to cope with cancer, some friends I expected to contact me have not and some who have sent messages saying they will, have not and some I have bumped into have not. The usual comment was not sure if you wanted to be contact, so did not, when I discussed it with a good friend who is there for me when ever, reminded me that everyone is diferrent and I always remember this and don't judge them any more. for me the real telling time is when I am over this, how will people treat me and react, normal or will they pussy foot, I don't want any pussy footers anywhere near me.
So it could be they are frightened or just don't know what to say as they think the worst will happen, they don't understand many people survive and live a full life.
Hope this helps you sort things out for you as thats all that is important don't let others wind you up only you will be hurt and you have more important things to enjoy - real friends.
I had similar things happen, mates avoiding me, not stopping to talk etc. Its 'cos they dont know what to say to you for fear of saying the wrong thing. It'll pass, they gradually got used to it and now treat me same as always. Cancer causes probs for friends as well as the patient.
