Well October is nearly upon us and I cannot get my head round where another year has gone. Way back in Dec 1995 the docs told us it would be a couple of weeks chemo after the first op then another op and then it was highly unlikely that it would ever return. The words - if you had to pick a cancer then testicular would be the one because it has such a high cure rate - are still ringing in my ears. Little did they or we know that hubby would be the one that had to be different. They couldn't tell us when the thyroid cancer was diagnosed, they did not know how to break the news so they left it until we came back from America ( we had booked a month long holiday at Christmas because we thought hubby was going back to work in the January, even sold my life policy to do this). The words that were said then are also burnt in my brain - the odds of getting these two cancers were more than winning the lottery.
The weird thing then was that we had both had biopsies on our thyroids and the docs thought it would be mine that came back positive, women are more likely to get it, turned out mine was an auto immune disease, which they said had come on early due to stress.
Back in 1995 at the tender age of 25 with two babies, I truly believed that it would be all over and done with by the summer of 96 and then we could get back to planning our life. Odd how life has other things in store for all of us.
It has never really got me down, I have always believed that if the mind is willing then the body will follow. But this last two years has been horrendous. We thought that taking the NHS to court was bad enough, after winning that case we really believed that nothing else could get any worse. Then HMRC decided that we were now their victims, and we have spent two years trying to get some answers from them, we have been to everyone even the PM but we are still waiting for answers. The standard reply is that we are the only people in the country like this, very sorry but tough and now we are waiting on hubbys employer to decide his fate, they have been deciding since last October.
The stress of having to deal with all of this on top of the cancers is so hard to bare, and I find myself praying every night that one of them will just make up their minds.You can deal with things if you know what is coming.
So I will take some more of my own pain killers, pick myself up by the boot straps and try and get through another day, because at the end of it all I still believe deep down in my heart that hubby will get through this and one day we will get some peace from all the other rubbish that goes with it. Hopefully tomorrow will be a new day and a better one.
Ray xx
