Disillusioned with Chat...don't all attack at once!

3 minute read time.

Hi folks,

This has taken me sometime to put together because I know it is a sensitive subject so I hope I have addressed it correctly. 

In February of last year, I stumbled across What Now.  It was at a time when I was feeling very low and alone.  I’ve been living with cancer now since March 2004, so I wish I had come across this site much sooner!  I have since acquired some amazing friends from this site whom I love to bits :0)

I was so nervous when I first went into the chat room, but straight away Rose09 said hi and asked how I was, I told her I was new etc and slowly I revealed my story, I got so much support that evening, I came away feeling so much better knowing I had found this group who knew what I was going through and were happy to listen.

It’s because of the warm welcome, that I have (I hope) always said hello to new people, encouraged them to talk, share their worries.  I remember how nervous I was that first night in chat and I was a “cancer veteran” so to speak, so goodness knows how the newly diagnosed feel when entering chat for the first time, terrified and unsure to say the least.

Now I’m going to throw the cat amongst the pigeons here because I’m sure there are a lot of people who are going to disagree with me.  Let me make this clear, this is MY experience and my opinion of recent events in chat.  I also want to make it clear that this isn’t just since the merge of What Now and Mac, I had issues long before that.

I have felt for some time now disillusioned with chat.  I loved chat, it was somewhere to go and meet people, share good news, share fears, celebrate life and mourn the passing of friends.  However there have been on occasion people who have made what I feel are inappropriate comments.  This site when all is said and done is a Cancer Support Group.  So yes it’s ok to have a laugh etc but it is also ok for people who are having a tough time to talk about their fears or any issues they may be trying to work through, it’s also a place where “newbies” be it newly diagnosed or simply new to the site should be nurtured and encouraged to talk which in turn will make them want to come back, after all surely that is the main aim?  I think it’s unacceptable that some people have been made to feel as if they are spoiling the fun, some of whom have actually even been told so.  We have to remember that it is first impressions that count in chat and if we don’t interact with new visitors then they won’t return and they may be in dire need of the support that we all know we can offer!

I’m not aiming this at anyone in particular, as I have said it is a general observation about the change that seems to have occurred in chat.  I hope it doesn’t last, it will be a shame.  I have thought recently of just not bothering with it, but then I think that is silly and selfish because there will always be days when I need the comfort and support of chat and days where someone may need comfort and support from me, so I’m here to stay and for those of you who have also become disillusioned with chat, I hope you reconsider and come back.  It is after all a fantastic site!

Love and Peace

Indie xx

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    HI Indie

    I totally agree I have not been using chat for quite some time now, but recently went on for a look and was quite taken aback by the chat that was going on. Don't get me wrong a couple of people did speak to me. but I felt like..... you know when you walk into a room and there is sudden silence!! I went on again last night and it was fine. Like you say nothing specific but certainly not the chat that helped me through  the past year.

    I much prefer keeping in touch with friends through PM's and blogs

    Love Teri

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I think you are spot on guys. I am not new to the site or cancer but I am very new to chat. Went on last night and this morning and felt very nervous. Its hard especially when there are quite a few people on who have been chatting a while and you have to try and 'get in' on the conversation. Then I dont know what to say :-S its a wierd place to be!!!

    I will stay with it though as I really love the site and so far have really only communicated with people through blogging and comments etc. Thanks for airing this though its a very good point!

    Love Chrissixxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Indie,

    I am very new as only dx last month so did not know the other site, I have been on chat a few times and mostly have found it ok but there have been a couple of times when I have said hi and then nothing......so have sat and watched silently then just quitely left the room but I must repeat this has only been on a few occassions. Overall this site and the chat have been a life saver for me as the bottom of my world fell out when I heard "Its cancer" and thru all on here I now know I am not alone,

    Take care love Terri xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I am in agreement with you I went on chat a couple of times when i first joined the site, i was very nervous and said Hi, got one or two Hi's back but then nothing so i never went back, there were times when i really needed to talk to someone but was afraid to go onto the chat.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Indie - I remember when I was at my lowest ever - the day we found out my son had a tumour. I went on chat, didn't really know what i was doing. You were so kind to me, but it quickly became clear that everyone else knew each other, and the chat going back and forth was jokey, sort of taking the mickey of each other. I couldn't handle that at all, felt like my heart had been wrenched out and squeezed. So i've never been on chat since. Prefer to use blogs and PMs.

    But I'll never forget your kindness Indie, love Jeanie xx