journey begins

3 minute read time.

Here is the journey so far. 

I have found in dealing with things in other areas of my life a journal or blog has really helped so I hope you indulge me doing one about this. I will try to be as open and honest as I can not only about the medical side but also my emotional journey as I support my Dad through this.

Easter 2010 - My Dad went into hospital as an emergency due to how bad his breathing was. He had nearly 4 litres of fluid drained which they took biopsies from but nothing came back conclusive for anything. It was weird even at this stage although the word cancer had not been mentioned by any health professionals I had a weird feeling / preminition that this was going to be the start of something bigger.

Results came back but there was nothing conclusive in them!

May 2010 - Dad back in hospital up in Manchester, had another load of fluid drained and they also did a broncoscopy and other tests to see what was there as all the xrays and scans have still not shown anything conclusive. They also sealed a hole in his lung lining to hopefully stop some of the effusion. thankfully at the moment Dad is actually reasonably 'normal' and apart from being a bit tired and breathless due to the fluid in his lungs you could believe that it is just a bad infection rather than anything else. At this point he is still under the chest specialist.

Results are in, we have been told there is Cancer but the chest Dr hasn't given any details just refered us to the oncology dept. I feel in limbo and haven't caught up with the emotions yet, I can feel them in the background but they aren't raising their heads yet

June 14th 2010 - the Dr has confirmed small cell lung cancer or adenocarcinoma, it has already spread and we have been told it is non curable. WOW that happened quickly from not know anything to you have this and we can't cure it in a short time. So more biopsies as they want to check for a certain gene mutation to taylor the best 'treatment' for him. Back in 2 weeks. Still not really feeling anything, just feel numb lots of information to take in and find out about.

I went to visit Dad today and for the first time the emotions really hit me and I cried with him. I am sooo angry that this is happening and that he is going to have to go through all of this. I am angry that the cancer has chosen him.

June 28th - Back for the results but they are not yet in so having to wait another week. Clinic really helpful though as I couldn't change my work that day so they changed the appointment so I can be there for support. Dad is really disappointed and down today, he doesn't understand the delays and is very much feeling that each additional wait is making a difference to him living or dying. It just shows me that he didn't take in what the Dr was saying, but I am glad he still feels life is an option as this will help him fight.

July 5th - Back to the clinic tomorrow I really hope the results are in this time. I am so anxious I hope and pray that he has the mutation but deep down I have a feeling that this is not going to be the case. Dad has never made things easy in his life so I just think he isn't going to start now.

July 6th - Results were back but not the way we hoped. Dad has not got the mutation so is going to be starting combination therapy next week. They have said that it will be a 4 dose treatment and they will hopefully be 3 weeks apart.

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Well chemo beings tomorrow, Dad has had his blood tests today and taken the tablets he was given.

    I am soo anxious, it is more because no one can say just what it will be like for him, I think it would be easier if there was a definite answer even if it was bad I should be going to bed now but I can't sleep will try again later

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Well it is over for today. I am surprised at how emotional I have found today. I have struggled at times and am very teary.

    I feel that the chemo starting is just shoving back in my face what is happening and that although all of this is being done, it isn't a cure it is just delaying what is going to happen, and that is only if it works. Dad started talking to Mum about when he goes ............ type of conversations as well which haven't really helped how I am feeling.

    I feel really selfish at times as I am looking for support but haven't got anything wrong with me and there are so many people out there that are really giving of their time and emotions even though they have lots of issues themselves.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Well the first couple of days after the chemo went really well, no sickness and just a bit of tiredness. Last night however he began to feel rough and today he is really not good at all. Very very tired and lethargic, has some pain in his lymph nodes in the centre of his chest. The only good thing is he has not felt sick, although his appetite is non existant at the moment.

    Mum is struggling today and was very teary. I don't know what to feel, I hate seeing him like this when he is normally such a vibrant person and there was nothing there today.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    oh jacq. massive hugs. i know how your feeling. you're just a month ahead f my situation. your mum sound slike mine at the moment. i just feel like ill wake and its been a bad dream :(

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Thanks!!!!!

    Well Dad has had a really rough couple of days where he has hardly got out of bed, but seems to be coming through a bit now, his appetite has been non existant which is a novelty for him but I am sure he will make up for it when the effects wear off a bit.

    Work was a struggle yesterday as I had wanted to go round and see Dad again, but we had a lot of sickness at work so I was asked to go in to cover the unit. In one way I was gutted becuase of having to go in, but in another way it allowed me to have a day away in mind as once I am at work it is the sort of job that you can't do anything but 100% while you are there.