well well well....

2 minute read time.

The last update was just before my ct scan and thankfully it was all clear,but i have been told i will be checken ever 6 months and the other kidney has to come out sometime in the future,preferably before there are any problems with it,my kidney transplant is ticking over nicely the only downside for me was that i was the heaviest ive been on 7 years so im trying to get my ass in gear and get fit and loose a little weight. Kids are good,Daniel still working away in the pizza kitchen and loves it,back with his g/f and there happy,Katie is doing well studying for her exams and Logan is happy on his bike and drawing away in the evenings,Billy and i have been goign on short cycles most days and trying to socialise at the weekend,which ended up with a small mishap for me outside a club when i was sick down myself,i must think im a teenager again! The panic attacks are still present and ive had my citalopram increased as i had a real whopper of an attack in asda where i couldnt breath and nearly passed out in an isle-my mother asked if anyone came to help me and when i said no (i was with billy) she said maybe they were scared and thought you were giving birth-charming.

My sad blip is my dad has decided he wants nothing more to do with me-i have never been the daughter he wanted-i dont have a high flying career but ive got three lovely kids and have overcome loads of health risks to be here. He turned up for breakfast a month ago on sunday after being in Barbados,we were all playing with the dogs in the garden and Billy hit me in the ankle very hard with tennis ball just as my dad was getting out the car (which i didnt see pulling up) and i turned round to Billy and called him a stupid fuck (which wasnt very lady like of me) but anyway he hasnt spoken to me since that day,i sent him a text asking why he wasnt talking to me,and he said back a text saying -He was disgusted by the way i acted in front of my kids and that im no role model and he doesnt want any more to do with me. I am very hurt and upset but am not going to do anything about it,as if he is that shallow he isnt worth bothering about.My mum is disgusted as is my brother and sister,and i have cried most of the night but im strong and ill get over this.He was never much of a father anyway,he may have a great job and his own buisness but he hit my mum over the years,he drink drives and is a womaniser and left my mum when my sister was a baby,he is a control freak and im jumping off his rollercoaster of affections for my own mental health-but god i cant believe this has happened! I havent brodcast this as im so upset but i feel better getting it out on here-thanks for reading and listening to me,

Leigh xx

 

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Leigh, so happy for you that you are getting on so well, apart from the panic attacks, life seems more settled for you so dont let anyone or anything stop you from climbing your mountain, you will get to the top eventually, you have guts girl.

    Love n Hugs Lucylee. xxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Leigh,

    I like you used to have bad panic attacks when I went out, so I chickened out and stayed in. A prisoner in my own House until one day many years ago, I took the bull by the horns and with the help of my son Tony who came with me,it took me a week and from then on I forced myself to go down to the shops every day. Just like you will climb that mountain, and  the Panic attacks will disapear.Like Lucylee said you have the guts. Good Luck.

    So take care and be safe.You can do this.

    Love and Hugs Sarsfield.xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Leigh - Your father sounds a bit like mine!  He was never much of a father either, and even now he knows that I, and my son, have inherited a gene that causes cancer from him, (he hasn't had it!) he still never asks me how I am, or when my next appt is - only complains how  ill he's feeling. (there's nothing wrong with him) We have very little contact, only an e-mail once in a blue moon - because.....he doesn't deserve me as a daughter!!!   Can you ever imagine saying that you don't want to know your child because they said 'You stupid fuck!!'

    No, nor can I.   You are too good for him, and don't you forget it!!!      Jeanie x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Leigh so glad you're getting back on track with things!

    I used to have panic attacks too when first diagnosed and they are horrific,  but one thing I have since learned is that the last thing you can do is faint!

    In a panic attack you breathe faster, your blood pressure rises and your heart races, when you are going to faint your pulse slows down, your heart beats slower and your breathing is shallow! so be assured you won't pass out or faint during a panic attack!

    My main fear was of passing out during one and embarrassing myself so having learned this will not happen has helped me enormously!

    Keep up the exercise and enjoy life, we only live once after all. xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I beg to differ Porkie, I've passed out twice having panic attacks, but actually, whilst not very pleasant, it does end the panic attack!!  Both times I came round feeling lots better, if a little silly at being on the floor!

    Marsha x