Very, Very Nervous :-(

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

23 Sep 2009

Oncologist's office phoned today. Wants to meet Friday at 4pm. I think to discuss the chemo? Just before the surgery, my surgeon said the chemo would start in 2 or 3 weeks. So I presume I'm now at that stage.

I've read some bits on here about chemo, but really I don't have any idea what's involved. I've read about ports, hics and pics and am dreading them all. I've read about veins collapsing so a port/hic/pic is really necessary but I'm really nervous about anything like that. Didn't mind the surgery so much because you're under. But these lines go in whilst you're conscious. Through your veins. What happens if they get pulled out? Infected? Have to be redone? I hate local anaesthetics because they hurt and I'm very phobic about the 'idea' of pain. Don't get me wrong, my armpit still hurts a lot from the surgery, but it's just there. It's not like someone is saying, 'right, we're gonna hurt your armpit in 10 seconds'. Planned pain is a very fragile area for me. Not worried about feeling sick or tired funnily enough. Never been phobic about being sick (I know that being sick is a lot of people's worst fears). Mine's just the 'planned pain' thing.

Then the chemo. Remember being told by someone at the start of all this, that because of my age (36) I'll be having an 'aggressive' chemo. Five months of it. Every 3 weeks. Then there's lots of chemo chemicals? Dunno. Just picked up stuff from here. I don't even know what a 'cycle' is. Read about it on here, but don't know. Don't know how it's administered. How long it takes. Don't know anything.

Really dreading all of this. It's suddenly upon me. Upon me very quickly. I don't know. I don't want to go. Just want to hide in a corner. Not come out. Had enough now. Got good results. Just want to go away now. I'm having a panic. I'm rambling. Please help...

FormerMember over 14 years ago

Every step of this journey is scarey -

DIAGNOSIS ok we get over that

SURGERY usually not as bad as we think

RESULTS waiting is the worst part

TREATMENT fear of the unknown

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

You are doing really well so far and its natural to be scared, I am only doing oral chemo (tablet form) and am about to start my 4th cycle on Monday (if my bloods were ok today) and I still get nervous. Can't give you any words of wisdom about IV chemo but there are lots of guys n girls on here who can and will hopefully.

You are braver than you think!

Debs xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi, this whole thing is very scarey and i think thats something most people would agree on. I have had 4 chemo cycles now and so am half way through.

I still have problems with anxiety but once you get going on the chemo it makes it easier some how.

I have a picc line in but i believe the portacaths sound better. I think it depends on whether your hospital offer them. If you are worried about the chemo, speak to the nursing staff when you go, they are very good at talking to and relaxing you. I think i have been the most panicky patient ever, and due to start a new chemo, so im expecting to be more of a pain then. As the nurses say though, they are used to people being scared, its natural, and they are there to help.

take care

anna
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

i think we read things then exagerate it into this monster in our heads and we believe that

i know i do

my son has had 4 cycles of chemo

1st cycle was

first week

chemo everyday for 5 days (each day varied in time between 1/2hour to hour)

2nd week

1 day (1/2hour i think?)

3rd week

1 day (1/2 hour)

then 10 days off then repeat cycle

hope this explains a cycle ...obviously everyone is different to each and every patient

my son was quite well throughout a little bit more tired than normal but he still went out with the kids to water parks for meals with his partner on a few occasions ...he really felt much better than he thought he would ,,,,,, all in all he had a really good summer!

try and focus on 1 day at a time try not to let your imagination run away with you

hope you come back here and tell us it was easier than youd imagined

take real good care of yourself

love

xNx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Forgot to say Monna, you can always ring Macmillan...I am sure they could give you answers or reassurance.

Debs xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Aww hunny just take it one step at a time. I know its easy to say but try not to worry about what they might do to you because every persons treatment is different and everybody copes with things differently. They may not even offer you a hic/pic line. In the last 3 years my husband, sister and father in law have all had aggresive chemo and neither one of them have had a line hic line in. They all had normal iv lines in. Wait till you go and see your oncologist and then you can talk to him/her about your fears and they will be able to put your mind at rest.

Take care

Tantan xx
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