Oncologist's office phoned today. Wants to meet Friday at 4pm. I think to discuss the chemo? Just before the surgery, my surgeon said the chemo would start in 2 or 3 weeks. So I presume I'm now at that stage.
I've read some bits on here about chemo, but really I don't have any idea what's involved. I've read about ports, hics and pics and am dreading them all. I've read about veins collapsing so a port/hic/pic is really necessary but I'm really nervous about anything like that. Didn't mind the surgery so much because you're under. But these lines go in whilst you're conscious. Through your veins. What happens if they get pulled out? Infected? Have to be redone? I hate local anaesthetics because they hurt and I'm very phobic about the 'idea' of pain. Don't get me wrong, my armpit still hurts a lot from the surgery, but it's just there. It's not like someone is saying, 'right, we're gonna hurt your armpit in 10 seconds'. Planned pain is a very fragile area for me. Not worried about feeling sick or tired funnily enough. Never been phobic about being sick (I know that being sick is a lot of people's worst fears). Mine's just the 'planned pain' thing.
Then the chemo. Remember being told by someone at the start of all this, that because of my age (36) I'll be having an 'aggressive' chemo. Five months of it. Every 3 weeks. Then there's lots of chemo chemicals? Dunno. Just picked up stuff from here. I don't even know what a 'cycle' is. Read about it on here, but don't know. Don't know how it's administered. How long it takes. Don't know anything.
Really dreading all of this. It's suddenly upon me. Upon me very quickly. I don't know. I don't want to go. Just want to hide in a corner. Not come out. Had enough now. Got good results. Just want to go away now. I'm having a panic. I'm rambling. Please help...
