Things can only get better, and if that's not true I don't want to hear about it

Hello, lovely crabby lady...

I hope they sort you out tomorrow and I know you can't help it, but please try not to run away again eh? Having been a member of the colo-rectal ward crew a few times, I know we are not the best company in the world and a bit smelly..... but !

Hopefully the drain will help and tell them about the panic attacks this time so you can get your drugs and if you are being sick, get them to give them to you IV and hopefully hopefully the new lot of chemo will start to reduce things again and ease up this ascites. I guess they can't glue your insides together like your lungs....

Cancer has a habit of buggering up birthdays. I have had 2 in a row now buggered up by ops and the like.

I can't really help you, Hilary with all that is going on, but I will say do as you are told, (even though I don't) and there are kittens on the horizon for the LM household (or one at least) so I can show you pictures of them and distract you with words and of course sending you huge huge hugs.

Hope tomorrow goes ok for you (as in ok in 'we've got cancer'  terms, I know by everyone else's terms tomorrow is shit but you know what I mean)

hugest hugs but not so hard they hurt you more and hope the drain eases things for you. Can they not put some permanent sort of thing in?

Little My xxxxx

Hi Hils,

I don't know how much more a 5' 2" person can take but you must be almost at capacity. It's about time they stopped just patching you up and did something really effective so I'm glad there will be three of you taking on the hospital tomorrow, that's a crowd and it sounds like it's necessary. Pillar-to-post just about sums up their approach so far. It's disgraceful.

Anyway, you know all that - I was just venting - so I'll wish you all the luck in the world, especially for tomorrow. By golly you deserve it.

I hope today will be better & that Judy can forget how ghastly her birthday was & that Shadowcat's bum heals quicker than your innards.

Love & hugs,

xxx

Oh, bloody hell, Hilary. It all sounds f***ing horrendous.

What a nightmare.

I hope to God the hospital can do something EFFECTIVE for you and I second Annie's opinion about three of you taking them on... Nobody wants to play the helpless Little Woman card but push has definitely come to shove now.

It sounds hideously twee (apologies) but you are very often in my thoughts these days. I wish I could help.

love and optimism (?!)

xxx susan xxx

Hilary - don't you think it might be time to sit back and let someone else have a bash at all this??  Seriously - I think you're running the risk of looking a tad greedy, so let someone else have a go, OK??  ;-)

The cat bum will heal fine, and Judy can always have a delayed birthday special - so you get yourself back up and running again SOON!

Good thoughts & vibes heading your way, as ever ---->

 

If it makes you feel better (doubt it will, but anyway...) there seems to be something about being a patient that has professionals looking behind you for the grown-up...  I've even seen nurses talking over a consultant-level doctor, when he was in hospital as a patient!

Hope things go well next week.  And that there's time for a birthday celebration in due course.

Hi Hilary as you say you are that liberated,intelligent caperble woman but being so ill makes people vulnerable and scared so we put our trust in professionals believing they know best and kind of put ourselves in their hands and sigh with resignation when things chop and change to weary to put up a fight.Annie is right enough of pushing that rock up the hill and I think taking your brother along as well as Judy will Hopefully make them listen and stop messing you about.Every Doctor seems to have a favourite medication and all this chopping and changing isn't doing any good.If you feel something works for you or helps you then they need to leave bloody well alone you are the one who knows if it's right for you so whilst you have the magic number of three stick to your guns.They should not leave you without your regular medication especially if your on Valium and morphine leaving you to suffer more distress.I hope the drain gives you some relief and that chemo does its job.It would be something if all the professionals got together and chose one person to take the lead and co ordinate your care rather than this fragmented approach but I guess that's asking a bit much.I too am venting because I can't believe how you have been treated but then again yes I can.Well done that pharmacist for being so helpful.The very best of luck tomorrow and I'm so sorry Judys birthday was so awful you both deserved better.Good to hear shadow cat has been put back together.Huge hugs to both you and Judy to the norty step with Shadow cat for getting his ass bit at a time when you and Judy could have done without any more but if I see him on the step I am just as liable to feed him chicken xxxxx

Hi Hilary, what a palaver but I'm glad you've got reinforcements with your brother. Three is my lucky number (it's why I've got three replacement knees) and I'm sending that luck over to you so that you not only kick cancer's arse, but the arse of that doctor as well.

Good luck for tomorrow; if you need more reinforcements Cruton will be ready with the bin (She can drive a bit now - did you know?) and we'll all come down in force to help get you the treatment you deserve.

Huge but very gentle hugs.

Odin xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS Sorry about Judy's Birthday and I hope you will soon feel well enough to celebrate it in style.

Hello Hilary, you really have gone through too much now for them to mess you about any longer and I really hope that tomorrow's appointment with the oncologist gets something moving. So maybe with your brother's extra backing they will find that bed for you and get started with the treatments in order to kick Mr. Crab out !

Yes, I am sorry that Judy's birthday was messed up ....... and poor ShadowCat got a bitten bum, but I guess that we have all had special days upset by damned cancer. Sending you and Judy hugs - and a tickle under the chin for ShadowCat.

Love, Joycee xxx

*hugs* to all, and thank you. Really ridiculous amount of pain, can't eat, and keep throwing up. All makes it a bit hard to be the life & soul of the party. Plus Shadow hasn't come indoors since he came back from the vet yesterday. *sigh*

I'll update Facebook via Twitter, assuming I do get a hospital bed, but only with v short messages, my little fat fingers have trouble with phone keyboards.

xxx

Hi Hils,

When I was not in the colo-rectal ward after my reversal I was feeling uneasy, when I finally got there cos of the "mistake" I felt relieved to see the nurses I knew. We just need to be in the right place don't we, and so did / do you.

I really struggle with cats, we have one (10 yrs old) and I still have no idea what she wants and when she wants something, and then all of a sudden she sits on my lap after ignoring me for days. Hope Shadow does pop back in soon.

Belated Happy Birthday to Judy.

Good luck in hospital, and I sincerely hope the pain and sickness is all sorted out ASAP. I've been out to the garden shed and rubbed my lucky rod for you (fishing rod that is) and I hope it works for you.

Tight lines

Tim xxx

Tim, you are a very naughty boy, but you did make me snigger!

Hilary, all the love and hugs for tomorrow and will look out for fat fingered updates...

Shadowcat is notorious ofr staying out and then coming back in after you are all beside yourselves with worry as if nothing has happened. I am sure he is doing the same this time, so please don't worry about him and concentrate on getting yourself in better shape.

Please don't excuse yourself from there until they have got the pain and sickness under control and you have at least fortisips in hand and preferably proper food (though if your hospital is anything like mine, proper food probably doesn't exist there)

Biggest hugest hugs- as you know I am back at skool tomorrow so may not be able to get to my phone or FB or here for a bit but I will be willing you along, all along the way and next time you feel scared or panicked, remember there is a LM in a little red dress sat behind you scowling at the panic monsters and shooing them off, so no need to be scared ok?

Little My xxx

Masses of luck for tomorrow and keep breathing and try and relax and just go along with the ride. Just try not to get off it too early, it would be a long walk to the finish xxxxxxx

Good luck for tomorrow Hilary!

Sounds more like the three Muskateers, all for one and one for all, and in your case tomorrow, three will not be a crowd!

 I hope tomorrow will be the first day of a less painfull time for you, you certainly seem to have been having a rough time of it lately.

Take care.

Respect

xxxx

 

Three is a most excellent number and you will be on the right ward this time, and Judy and your brother are not to leave until they can see you wired up to the correct drugz and the fortisips will help - when I was on morphine and couldn't eat, the ones mixed with icecream helped immensely - and get bruv to talk to staff and smile whilst demanding that everything is in place :))

I wish you pain-free days and nights and send huge cwtchs and lots of love xxxxxxxxxxx

You'll be in my thoughts tomorrow, Hils. And if they don't fix you up right this time, there is 5ft 9in of me plus muscles and I'll come and sort them out for you. Hugs (not the bit muscly ones, mind...). XXXXXXX