On the third day ...

3 minute read time.

Woe, alas and lackaday - or perhaps something less dramatic - our Saturday morning chemo sessions are no more, yesterday's was the last. I can't say I'm surprised; it was very quiet last time, and this time, from what I could tell (I was asleep for most of it), I was the only bed patient, and no more than maybe half a dozen more people came in during my six hours. Well, you can't possibly justify opening and staffing a clinic at that level. I deduce that someone thought the clinic was a Good Idea - which it is - and then didn't bother to see to the administration; or, possibly more likely, that the administration got handed over to someone who thought it was a Bad Idea and/or just couldn't be arsed and who deliberately scuppered it.

Anyway, the rest of my sessions are on Mondays - I think; where and oh where has my Little Red Chemo Book gone? - at 10.00, which Judy is not pleased about as she will have to fight the tail end of commuter traffic and will have huge problems parking, and which I am not pleased about as it will be much noisier and I may have to fight to baggsy a bed.

As I say: woe.

Anyhow: yesterday's session went much as predicted: arrive, wave vaguely at nurse, collapse on bed, get cannulated, get pre-medded, get poisoned x 2, sleep more or less throughout, go home. No emergency poo stop this time, hurrah! Avoid the tuna sandwiches, is my advice.

Any medical news? H'm, let me think. My red cell count is down - this might account for Mr Crab demanding bacon sandwiches, steak and chips, etc - but no-one had any very sensible advice on how to get it up again. It might have to be bacon sandwiches. I do have iron pills somewhere about the place, but they have tragic effects on my tummy at the best of times, and this is not the best of times. Although nor yet the worst of times neither.

And Chemo Nurse went against the tide of popular opinion and strongly advised against a flu jab, mainly due to aforementioned cell count. So sick people - not to be insensitive, but stay away from me, please!!

Back home and to bed, to horridly crampy legs and very cross cats. As we were going out early and not getting back till mid-afternoon, we didn't let them out in the morning and then we kept them in on account of fireworks - also on account of the ShadowCat's little misadventure last week. Oh, they were displeased!

And that ... pretty much ... is that. I'm fairly awake today, but very shaky - there's a wobbly feeling in the middle of my chest that, most disobligingly, never shows up in any scans or tests or anything - which means that I feel as if I should be up and doing ("Filthy house!" chants my conscience, "Just look at it!"), but can't actually do anything of the sort. Bugger, bugger, bugger.

(Didn't the 'creativity' forum used to be called something a little less inelegant than 'arty farty'? I feel sure I wouldn't have joined a group called that. Just saying.)

Judy has to go to a friend's daughter's confirmation today. I do not think this will be the high point of her life. 

Which reminds me, Judy very kindly send off for a free DVD/booklet on 'look good ... feel better'. AHAHAHAHA, as if! It's all about how to put your slap on when Mr Crab fucks you over. I hate to say it, but a little mascara is not going to make me feel any better in any way whatsoever. I didn't wear make-up pre-Crab, so I'm not likely to start now. My personality, my emotional wellbeing and, dare I say it, my femininity are neither manufactured by nor dependent on Revlon.

/hairy-legged (only not any more) 70s feminist.

I'm expecting former colleague Tina at some point today. I may have to lie on the sofa and let her talk. The brain is willing, but the body seems determined to screw me over. DO NOT LIKE! GIMME SPOONS! GIMME THEM NOW!

Huh. A DVD on 'How not to turn into a raging bitch during cancer' might be more to the point.

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Hilary

    Rage away!  It's allowed!

    Shame about the Saturday sessions as I know this was much easier for you and I think your probs right about someone scuppering it - little scroat probably just didn't want to work weekends!  :-(((((

    There's an iron tonic you can get whose name escapes me at the moment which isn't as rad on the digestive system and may help you.  I'll get back to you on this if I manage to remember what the blasted stuff is called.  It doesn't taste too bad either - bit like port!

    Hairy legs rule OK!!!!!

    Happy bitching!

    Much love,

    Nin xxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Hilary

    It's called Floravital. 

    Much love,

    Nin xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs Hilary))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    What more can be said, but was this the lady who felt a fraud on this site?

    Hope the Monday commuters all go to work early! (fat chance - on a Monday?)

    Hope you feel a fraud again soon and all the lost spoons turn up.

    Colin xxx

     

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    1. Sorry you lost your quiet Saturdays... Do you want me to send one of Odin's ravens over to bagsy a bed for you? He can look quite menacing even though he is a bit stupid (hence not found his way back to Odin)

    2. Iron tablets are horrible. They should not be allowed. I hate them. They make your poo horrid too, which for a baggy is double bad. It sort of makes me laugh that they tell you these things but don't do anything about them sometimes and othertimes they whisk you off for a transfusion.... take heart that it can't be too bad if you are not having to do something. Don't start rummaging around in your cupboards for old iron tablets... I think Mr Crab is doing enough griping to not add iron on top. Eat Bacon if you must. Actually, nettles are the biggest source of iron, but that involves going out and picking them etc and getting odd looks. Oh you get those anyway so that's ok...

    3. My fat cat's way of showing his dipleasure at being kept in for fireworks was to pee all over the duvet and P's shirt (he wasn't wearing it luckily). I don't like fireworks night.. it means is shutting in cats and treading on them as they hide under chairs etc and them peeing everywhere.. fun fun fun...

    4. Housework???? Play your cancer cards my dear. SOD the housework. I talk a lot of shite and don't follow advice very well myself, but from one who knows..... I had this barmy idea that only taking morphine at night and being able to walk down the stairs made me fit enough to work.... and people would see me shuffling around and tut that I was a shirker... You mad woman may be your response... your pain in your chest that makes you think you should be doing housework? guess my response.... something along the lines of errrr you mad woman... cancer cards my dear, cancer cards....

    5. Lord help us all if our personalities are dependent on Revlon...  I got offered a session on that... I thought best save it for someone who wears make up and might know what to do with it all ! I would waste it drawing stupid pictures on the mirror or something. I only shave to not scare young children... sods law I lost my hair in the one place I didn't ever shave Ha ha You would have thought you could get a perk along the way... but then I have heard that ladies do pay good money to get a 'Hollywood' Wondered if I could get a refund to spend on something fun like gin or chocklit...

    6. I wish I could give you all my spoons, Hilary. I think it would be good if we could pool our spoons and then do a rota for who needed them for what... I could happily spend a couple of days in bed unable to do anything in exchange for going to the meeting yesterday.. oh wait, that's what happened... errrr think again...

    You see, I could do your awfulness for a day and you could have one of my good days in exchange so you could see your friend and do fun stuff... sounds good to me. I think I am overdrawn in the spoon department and next week they are going to add interest and want repayment at some point... so I reckon I might as well give a few more away.. so here... have my spoons for today. I'm having a nap. x

    A lovely friend of mine said this to me when I was feeling bad about not being able to do stuff and hating to ask others to do it...

    We love you and care about you. We feel so bloody helpless that you have cancer and all we can do is watch. If you let us give you a lift or make you dinner or something, we feel we are doing something.And that makes us feel better cos we feel shit just watching helpless. So please let us do stuff cos you are doing us a favour whatever you think about it.

    It worked for me... take her advice too cos I think that your friends probably feel the same. So get your friend to make her own drink and do all the talking and you recline on your fainting couch looking louch (please tell me how to spell that btw)

    And fuck cancer. It is shit. Big time. That is why we laugh. Cos otherwise we would be raving psycho bitches.... and as a very wise lady said to me once...

    cancer is far too pooey to be taken seriously....  :o)

    THe biggest hug to you, my dear crabby lady and if I could swap a day with you, I would. (Oh mind you, you might not want to swap with me... I never thought of that... and  I wouldn't recommend swapping on Friday unless you like handsome men sticking their fingers up your arse.... )

    Little My xxx

    ps when you have cancer, your spoons are reserved for 2 things. fun and getting treatment. Everything else comes later, including boring things like showers... just smell.. you are a mad old cat lady anyway, you can just be a smelly old cat lady ha haha.xxx

    pps sorry that reply was so long. I don't want you to use up a vital spoon on reading a load of bollocks from me x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Have to agree with Colin......see, your not a fraud but I too wish you become one soon xx

    Im off to RNOH Stanmore Tue morning, leaving about 7am for a bloody 2hr joyride with maniacs on M25. Sister-in-law only comes with me to hear my ranting terms of endearment to other drivers :)

    Wish we could exchange your spoons for shovels.....no, not to shovel shit, they are bigger so more energy.

    Shaz (((((((((((XXXXXXXXXXX)))))))))))))