From as low as a snake's belly to high and happy

Jesus - My moods are all over the place. Being thoroughly menopausal doesn't help. As some of you know, my son (aged 24) had massive op a couple of weeks ago to remove 11cm tumour from his abdomen. The op was a success - he didn't lose his kidney, spleen, or any part of his bowel (which it shared blood vessels with). He is recovering brilliantly, planning on going back to work latter part of next week, - and the best? news of all - the tumour is benign!! I put a question mark there, because it doesn't seem to be definitely black or white, this benign/malignant business. Surgeon removed some lymph nodes that were 'touching' the tumour, as a precautionary measure. Biopsy has come back 'lymph nodes no evidence of malignancy'. Now the doctors have all said that the tumour was so big, (Professor was of the opinion it would be malig) if it was going to spread it would have spread to the lymph nodes, which were right next to it - and they've all said it's good news. And it is - don't get me wrong, it's the best outcome we could have had. But.. Me being a realist - this type of cancer nearly always comes back somewhere else. And yes, I know he will be screened regularly, and I know it's slow-growing, (some people, like me, have it for years without knowing) but I still find it hard to be 100% happy. I've had flashes of real happiness today, he came round this morning, (to see our dog, who he really misses since he got married!) and he looked so well and happy - but then, its as if some inner voice says 'now hold on a minute - don't you go getting carried away there', and I think he'll never really be free of it. And I certainly won't. How selfish am I ? He's here, and he's fine now. But this type of cancer is so rare - it's a very lonely place to be. I tried a rarercancer website for a while, but it seemed nobody ever posted there, so I gave up. And although I know there's a few people on here who've been on Temozolomide, apparently I'm one of only 3 people in the country who've been given it for my type of cancer. And yes, it's shrunk the tumours - great! But it's such an unknown area that there simply aren't any other cases the same as mine. I obviously keep this to myself in front of him - he's an intelligent boy and I'm sure he's aware of what may happen in the future. But if I had to pick an apt description of me at the moment, it would be; 'Trying to be 100% happy, but not quite getting there!'