Hello everyone,
Thanks to my friends on here for keeping in touch and shareing your experiences with me, they are all private matters that we all seem to be happy to discuss with each other, which i find reasuring in as much as you all seem to have come to terms with what is a terrible situation to be in for anyone, but you are coping, living with it and going about your business as best you can. It gives hope to others who are in the early days and weeks of coming to terms with having a Cancer diagnosis, something that i thought would only come in old age if at all.
This week has been the worst so far for me, I seem to be more tired and feeble than before/during/after the operation, when i thought i would by now be back to normal and back at work just as before, it also grieves me that i am having time off from work, as i do not usually have more than about 2 days a year off sick, so this for me is totally out of place and doesnt sit right, tomorrow i will go and get another sick note from the doctor as i still dont feel right at all and cant be too far from the loo! at the moment.
I have been back in the Uk for about 10 years now having lived/worked for 18 years in the Middle East, I have always been on the look out for that next great job abroad, but it never came so i have struggled on here in the Uk doing whatever job came along, I was horrified and at the same time chuffed to bits to have been offered a post in Kuwait this week, (when not even looking since the diagnosis) the position is probably the best job i have ever been offered, but unfortunatly one i can no longer contemplate going for with this hanging over my head and treatment every 3 months for the next 5 years, i feel like i have been kicked in the nuts metephorically speaking, either that or there is another paul in a parrell universe having a right result at my expense! and laughing all the way to the bank. It seems i am confined to a life of struggle from now on, unless i can make something good happen in my direction.
On a happy note, I have the chance to ride my motocross bike in the week on some private land, so i look forward to that with much glee and cant wait to get plastered in mud and debris while screwing the nuts off my 450 Honda CRF, anyway its something to focus on and look forward to in the coming days. (boys and their toys eh! when will we ever grow up! not yet i hope....) I know i will be knackered afterwards but i dont care its got to be done! and just maybe the fresh air might do me some good.
I now have an appointment for the pre asessment before having the colonoscopy examination on the 23 Nov, dont quite know what to expect for that, not having had one before, but imagine it will not be very pleasent and hugley embarrasing with all ones most intimate bits out on display once again for all to see, I just hope it is something minor and not another disaster zone that will need long treatment.
I will no doubt keep you posted as to the outcome, and then it will be only a few weeks to the first of many flexible cystoscopys and treatments for the bladder cancer, i must start to keep a diary i suppose.
Pauli...............
