slipping away

1 minute read time.

There have been some developments with DIL in the last few days. He has become even more immobile and unresponsive. He complains of pains pretty much everywhere now. I don't understand this since we were told he was on morphine (oramorph, I think) and I had hoped that would blot it all out. The care home says the dosage may need to be adjusted as he is much sleepier (suggesting the dose is too high, maybe? but then why is he in pain?).

Yesterday the home was talking of obtaining a different kind of bed for him so that he could be more upright in bed, and today they've arranged for a Macmillan nurse to visit him 4 times a day. The first visit is tomorrow when J will go along too to see if he can get more information on what exactly is happening. Oh, and they're now wondering about taking him into a hospice (to my mind, the BEST possible option) which makes me wonder if all his problems ARE from the cancer, that it's spread.

We were told there was no other site of cancer apart from the prostate and that was supposedly slow-growing and nothing was necessary apart from hormone tablets. To look at him, you would think he wasn't long for this world. And yet this evening, apparently, he had been roused from his sleepy state and had eaten. (They've started to puree his food into mush which he can manage from a spoon). J talks about his dad 'rallying' but I can't believe it.

J's sister was keen to have him transferred to a care home in Appleby (an attractive place overlooking the river) and there was talk of DIL being wheeled out into the gardens. I may have this completely wrong, but I'd be surprised if he lasted the week in the state he is now. According to J, his dad is pretty much comatose and doesn't appear to be reacting much to anything. I am reminded of my dad's final days...

It's a daily routine of tension and leaping out of our seats when the phone happens to ring. And waiting (without acknowledging it) for That Call in the night to say he's died.

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