I went to bed feeling like I had been hit by a train with a blinding headache and dragged my sorry arse up the stairs and was glad that the day was ending. This morning I woke up with no pain and a clear head knowing that the cancer has gone from aggressive to a slow steady pace and that the cancer that is under my rib cage near my liver have not changed for 3 years and are just staying there and doing nothing. I know that I have to steadily gain some energy somehow, the treatment has been harsh and I do tend to expect far to much out of myself, I know I do. I am glad that I wrote my blog about being in a dark place because we all go there from time to time and need someone to help pull us out and you guys have never let me down. My daughter turned up again last night and we held eachother, she said that I deserve so much more than I have but I have more than I could wish for and that is the love from my kids, this time has been so hard on them but we have talked and been honest from the word go. I am the lucky one. 24 hours later, a new day and a new start for the rest of my life, I have to regain some quality back in my life and get my butt back out into the world again, my body will given time recover and so will my energy levels but I must not expect that to happen right now. The laughter will return and the old bird loves to laugh and have fun and now I can put the dark rubbish back in the bin in my head and close the lid and move forward. Thank you guys again.....love and hugs to those who want them...Carol xx
I am not dying of cancer, I am living with it
