Communication with friends and neighbours

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

2 May 2016

My husband has Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. This was discovered late August 2015 so we have known for 8 months. After the initial (immense) shock and the round of telephone calls to tell family and friends, how do I deal with giving information about the day to day details of his health and treatment?

I made a pack with myself early on. Except for immediate family and one or two special people I would reply to questions asked with a very brief polite summary and try to end on a positive note. Not too much detail. I would not seek out people to talk to on the phone late at night (especially after the temptation of a glass or three of wine) - however much I wanted to. No social media spotlight.

One thing I didn't expect was the perpetual advice from well-meaning, non-medical, friends and associates. Different diets to give him, things they had seen on the internet etc. All this quite divorced from reality. I have tried to perfect, the head on one side, " oh really?" when what I am thinking is "oh God, not you as well..."

People are nice. They want to help. They sometimes don't know what to say - or they say too much. The only people who really understand are those who have been in the same situation and faced the same difficulties.

My husband is " a bit tired and unwell because of the chemo - but looking forward to the warmer weather ". That'll do for most people. As for the reality I, close family and one or two special friends actually know.