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OliviaD's blog

by OliviaD

OliviaD's blog

Blog Entry

Hodgkins treatment over

  • Comments 5
A lot has happened in the last four years. How do I start? It's almost a year since I finished chemo (ABVD) for Hodgkins Lymphoma (2B). I still get the willies when I see a drip on TV. My heart still races when I go for a check-up. I still hardly watch the news, I'm such a softy now. BUT, I'M ALIVE!!! My hair is glorious now. I've decided it's my body's equivalent of a rainbow. God's promise that there will be some good stuff. My husband loves it - rich strong curls replaced fragile wisps. He's glad I've stopped straightening it now that it's long enough to curl properly. He likes to look at it: a deep joyful gurgling laugh rises and I know the sight of it is helping to heal him of the trauma. Relatively speaking. Relatively speaking, it wasn't so bad, I suppose. 6 months (not 8) of ABVD. Wonderful, wonderful staff in the Haematology Outpatient Dep. A clear scan post-treatment. One infection. Not a single overnight stay (OK, I did insist on leaving the hospital once at 5am, but it's not really cheating). Awesome support from my husband and family and friends. Lots of prayers. Brilliant support from my boss and employer. I didn't do too badly. I'm grateful! But I still feel like I went through some kind of emotional mangle. It was bad enough. I'm only 33. My contract of employment is about to be terminated. I'm happy to let go. I'd be on the cusp of some exciting change if only I didn't get tired so easily. All the same.... I've got plans..... xxx
  • Remember this feeling.  I thought I was the only one.   This would be great if only I wasn't so tired.  When did you finish?  If your hair has grown that much It must be the best part of a year.   It is worse for the family, because they think you are worse than you are.  They can only guess how you feel, and it is often only little things that upset you like having to wait hours when only a few minutes are really neccessary.   Keep on with the plans.  This will be over in 3 years or so, and the ones with plans now will be better placed to make a proper life for themselves.
  • Well done for getting through!  Unfortunately the trauma and memories don't go away, and I imagine the fear of check ups stays for a long time.  I had NHL and finished my treatment in September, clear scan in December, and I can relate to the "emotional mangle" and tiredness.  I'm okay a lot of the time, but too much activity and I hit a 'brick wall' of tiredness and my body really aches.  Hopefully in time we'll get over this - as for what goes on in our heads........that's a different story, but I expect that takes time too. Like you, my hair's coming back curly too, and I also used to straighten it, but my partner, like your husband, likes it curly and says he's going to hide my straighteners!!   I still feel odd when I look in the mirror and a very different person to the one I used to see is looking back!!  Its all mine, though, so I just celebrate the progress from complete baldness! I'm sure those plans and exciting changes will come.........
  • Hi Olivia, Lots of luck with your plans.....I am hoping to be able to take a an early pension from work and make the most of life but like you get so dang tired.......keep wondering who snuck and swapped my Duracell batteries with those dodge Poundland ones..... Have had a couple of sessions with a counsellor thro MacMillan and she keeps reminding me I will never get back to the "normal" I was but have to work out the new my own eccentric warped sense of humour doggy loving way of course!! Take lots of care of yourself Diane x
  • Hi Annie thanks so much for your message. I have only just read it. I have to admit, I completely forgot I'd signed up here. another side-effect, I guess. I recently read an article in the Guardian about what people tend to call ;chemo' brain. I was quite encouraged to learn that I'm not the only one - and that it's likely to get better within a couple of years. :-)
  • thanks Diane and Ruth (?) too. Hope all is well with you.