Posted elsewhere on originally on Tuesday, 13 July 2010
Updated for the 29th November 2010....
Further on from my Dad’s diagnosis. We are now at about OOoooooo nearly 6 months?? And my doesn’t the time fly from diagnosis to treatment……. Dad has had his Bowel operation and the surgeons are very hopeful that they got all of it including the blood supply. He has also had the first of 3 operations for the Lung Cancer. (That went a bit pear shaped, but he is back on the road to recovery now, and the next op is the 12th November) So. I decided to do some research and have looked into Bowel Cancer and Lung Cancer.
Now, I don’t know about you. But Cancer is such a scary word, that it strikes fear into the very core of your being. That when the word is uttered to you for the first time, you feel as if you have been dunked into freezing water and are unable to breathe. You’re a bit woolly……
So the image that it conjures up for me is that of a knarly, twisted, purple, reddy blue, horrific looking tumour. I wanted it to look as scary as the word felt. We’re talking huge. I wanted it to be leaking some sort of radioactive green plasma with tendrils leaching into other organs and sapping their blood supply. Genuinely grotesque. Like some sort alien had taken up residence inside my Fathers body.
Nope.
Not even close.
You know what. It’s Beige…..
I mean it looks so NORMAL. If the person hadn’t ringed the tumour on the picture, I wouldn’t have even noticed it was there.
So there I am waiting to see something horrific and I am met with something so non-threatening it might as well be called Brian and work in accounts. Wearing Nylon. And smelling a little of B.O.
Believe it or not I was disappointed. Now I know that may sound strange, but when you are visualising what your dad is fighting in your head, you have a picture of something that is hard to beat. Like a juggernaut. Because Cancer is so life threatening. What you don’t have is a picture of your Dad beating up boring Brian in accounts because he got your tax deductions wrong!
Now Dad unfortunately also has Lung Cancer as well. He has had the first mass removed from his left Lung, which some how he had managed to glue to his ribs, this was then followed by a lung infection and a partial collapse!! (Only my Dad can pull of stuns like this at 71 and live. Honestly the Man is made of cast iron I swear!!!) So. After he had recovered, I thought, right, Lung Cancer, that's a biggy. So that has got to look at least a tiny bit worrying.
Wrong. They are white. And a bit Fluffy. (And slightly more worrying than beige)
Now I am not trying to poo poo Cancer. Or shrug it off as being something people get worked up over for nothing. I am not trying to lessen its destructive nature. Because it rips fracking holes in your life.
However…….
You see there’s the rub. If it did look terrifying. As horrific as i had imagined. I would be sat here thinking, no rocking, chanting, ‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Bugger me Dad’s in for a fight. HOW are we going to beat that?????’ My ‘Go Dad Banner’ would have deflated somewhat and my balloons, would have burst. I would probably be feeling even smaller than I do now. I don’t think there is anything that makes you regress faster than finding out one of your parents has something that could kill them. Even though you are old enough to know better. You STILL think they are made of titanium.
So I guess even though this is the scariest thing we have faced as a family. Knowing that the tumours aren’t some alien entity that has invaded my Dad’s body sort of helps. Because the body created this (with help from tobacco obviously in this case) therefore, with help the body can fight it. If my Dad can be given the tools needed to fight back, then we can kick this thing to the curb. AND I know it isn’t that simple. And I know he is in for a fight. And it IS scary. But I cannot, and will not let hope out of my sights.
Nothing will ever eradicate this fear. You can’t rewind knowing something like this. It will always lurk somewhere in the back of my mind, like that pea that you always find at the bottom of the freezer when you defrost it.
I do know something though. And I know it’s said a lot, but I think it is true.
Together, We will beat Cancer.
