Nothing helps.
She's angry. I know she's scared. I know she's in pain. I want to help but I'm scared of irritating her.
I'm angry too.
I'm angry to see my sister continuing to smoke. Seeing the situation our mum is currently in.
I get angry when I see strangers smoking. I want to pull it from their mouths and demand of them why they're so selfish. Don't they understand the risks? Don't they care about the people they might have to leave behind?
I'm angry to see the world keep turning. Carry on like normal. When everything's different now.
They've stopped the treatment. There is no change. No shrinking. It was too late.
I don't talk to my friends about any of this. They don't ask. I don't broach the topic. I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Besides, everyone has their own worries. And I'n beginning to come to the conclusion that when you're sad, people either avoid you, or try overly hard to cheer you up. They don't actually care.
Sometimes you need to be sad.
I don't know.
FormerMember
Hi there,
Of course you need to be sad. And you need to be angry and all those things.... This is a big big deal to cope with on your own and you feel all those emotions and many more too. I went through the same thing with my mum a bit younger than you and remember getting so angry at people just doing normal life as if nothing had happened. I also have cancer now and I want to tell people to stop wasting their life looking for somehting that is already there right in front of them... and to live their life and be happy.
Don't be afraid of irritating your mum. Talk to her. She will be worried about you for sure as she's your mum and she'll want to know how you are feeling and coping etc and she will know if you are hiding things from her. Tell her you want to help but are scared of irritating her. She'll tell you whats what.
Try not to get angry with your sister though. You need her now and the stress of things will make it harder for her to give up smoking at the moment. She will in time but in her own time and cigarettes might be a much needed crutch for her. (I only gave up the day before my operation... I smoked after my diagnosis, i had enough to deal with without trying to stop smoking as well at that time even though i knew i should and i did eventually.
Can you get some counselling or some support? If you phone the macmillan advice line, they can give you some advice too... they are really good. Phone them on 0800 808 80000 and get some support.
Glad you found us at least and we will look after you and hold your hand along the way.
