Putting my two youngest to bed tonight, my 4yr old said, 'I'll be sad when I'm grown up because I won't be able to see you anymore'. 'Why's that?' I said. 'Because I want to be a horse rider'. She seems to be thinking that when you grow up, you are either one thing or another, and not, say a Daughter and a horse rider and a Mum etc! So I explained that I would still see her no matter what she was going to be, I pointed out that I see my Mum, her Granny, and that she only lives around the corner. I carried on that I would always see her, although I started to lose track and stumble, trying not to say the wrong thing.
Then my 6 yr old piped up 'What if you die?' OMG I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. The obvious answer of course we all want to say is, I'm not going to die, don't worry about that, but I couldn't say it. On the spot I said 'Well if I die then I won't be able to see you will I?' Matter of factly, 'But I promise if I die I will always be looking down on you, from the stars'. 'The stars?' she says 'Yes, I'll be the brightest star in the sky' 'But I thought people go to heaven?' Eek! 'yes we do but thats in the sky with the stars isn't it' I said. 'But how can you see us?' 'Well' I said its like magic when you die you can do anything you want, and I would want to be watching over you'. 'So is Great Grandpa a star?' 'Umm, yes probably'. 'I don't want you to die' she says, repeated by 4yr old. 'I don't want to die either!' I said 'I want to be with you always'. But of course you know everyone has to die eventually. Now stop worrying about that and get to sleep'.
Thank God they were happy with that little explanation and went happily off to sleep. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I left their room. How random was that? Are they picking up on whats going on? I mean I know they know 'Mummy's poorly' and I spend a lot of time at the hospital but I look well. Hopefully it was just typical kids wondering about the bigger picture. Now I'm thinking back over it, did I say the right things? I was so on the spot I just tried to carry on chatting like normal.
Sorry if this is a little too personal or emotive, but I wanted to share as I'm sure I'm not the only one here dealing with this type of thing.
