Hello all.

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

7 Jul 2012

I won't lie and say things have been going well, but i think we might have reached the crisis point where hopefully everything gets a bit better from now on.

Every morning that i wake up, i think to myself "i wonder how long it'll be until i'm reminded that my mum isn't around". Its quite funny some mornings because all i have to do is go downstairs, turn on This Morning with Phillip and Holly and theres an interview on about yet another casualty of the dreaded C word. I know i should be pleased that i'm constantly remembered, but i just wish that instead of reminded of how much i miss her advice and being there, that i was reminded of the good times that we had. I've been trying to read through her old journals and letters she wrote when she 18 and staying in America, but her journals portray a very sad lady with low self esteem, which just upsets me because thats not the mum i remember. She didn't take no shit, up until the very end she just wanted to know we were ok, and i hope she knows wherever she is.

My wife to be seems to hopefully be coming out her very down stage, she has been on lithium a week and to be honest i've lost all faith in mental health teams and doctors once again for the way that she has been overlooked. She had been having very unsafe thoughts and had self harmed a few times, we asked what kind of support we could get, this the so called professionals we asked here by the way, and they said "you should have the skills to get better yourself by now, and besides people who say they're gonna kill themselves never usually do it". No joke here, i have never been so frustrated with professionals for a lot of years, and i'm amazed i didn't swear more haha. I tried to keep my cool, but when the people that are supposed to help and give support are saying "do it yourself, your probably not at risk" even though you've told us that theres a very high risk of you hurting youself, they just highly irritated us. I think the wife's calmed down thanks to some hardcore diazepam, but does anybody out there have any advice for started on lithuim? It would be greatly appreciated, thank you all for listenin, i hope everybody takes the rough with a pinch of salt today. Like my mum used to do "don't take no shit".

Cruton over 11 years ago

Hi there.Yes there are so many reminders and they become more poignant when you have had or have had your life touched by cancer.They are always there but you now notice them more I think.You speak of your mums journals when she was 18 and how she appears to be a different person than the one you knew.Your mum was very young then and I'm sure since being 18 she gained a lot of life experience and did a lot of growing up and became the lady you knew who took no shit from anyone.Can any of us say we are the same now as when we where 18 I know I can't.I'm sorry your wife has been so down and it must be hard for you losing your mum and your wife being un well all at once.Its good to hear she is now making some progress and I would ask to see a mental health advocate and also contact PALs over how you where treated when you were asking for support.Lithium is a mood stabiliser,your wife will need her blood taking on a regular basis to monitor to see if she is on a therapeutic level and that her body is coping with the dosage.Grief is such a hard road and I hope as time passes the good memories give you comfort .With so much going on I hope you can find some time for yourself.I wish both you and your wife all good things Scraton xxx
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FormerMember over 11 years ago

Hi there

I can only echo what the fabulous Scraton has already said.

Grief is indeed a hard road and one which I have been travelling myself since March this year when we lost my youngest brother to pancreatic and liver cancer. Everything you wrote on the aftermath of having to sort out death certificates, funeral arrangements and such rings such a loud bell in my head. We had to do it very quickly because my brother did not want to be embalmed and his funeral was held six days after he died. As for his possessions, most of them are still in his bedroom at Mam's because none of us can really bear the pain of going through everything apart from our Dougy has the camcorder and I have his digital camera which he wanted me to have because mine broke.

I hope your wife gets the support she needs and that you both find peace.

In the meantime I send you strength and hugs in the hope that they will help a little.

Much love,

Nin xxx
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FormerMember over 11 years ago

Thank you both for your lovely comments, its sad that we are all bonded together through such a terrible illness, but it is also a happy thing that we give each other strength to carry on.

The lithium is being upped a level after one week on it and the blood tests coming back saying its not at a theraputic level, so we just have to keep going with that and the lorazepam to try and keep her less agitated. It is a pain and all i want is a rest so i'm looking into carers support and PALs when i wake up a bit more.

Fingers crossed this week gets better, thank you both so much fr your comments, we are all in this together through the laughter and the rain x
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