Twinkle

I have read through all your posts and found myself nodding my head in agreement so many times it's really strange!  I am soooo so sorry that you too have lost your beloved Daddy.....we both know that pain and it goes without saying he obviously adored you. 

You are one month 'ahead' of me on this journey but I imagine on some days it is straight back to 'Day One' when you awake....Groundhog Day....Go directly to jail, do not pass 'Go' and so on.  I too had the same dilemma with antidepressants and the fear of 'numbing' the pain and not 'experiencing' what happened.....sadly I chose not to take them earlier....wrong choice I fear.  Most strangely though....in these last few incredibly scarey weeks I have looked for something to take my mind away from things.....something 'simple and innocent' to distract me when I lie in bed.  I chose a series of Enid Blyton books to read.....supposedly brought by me for my 5 year old daughter but in actuality devoured by me!  Like yourself, they took me back to happier times when I was young, my Dad was healthy and I never really believed that one day he would die.  The Faraway Tree series was one of those I read.....and The Wishing Chair collection....followed by the Book of Brownies....instant time travel back to a distant but happy childhood!  I would never have thought anyone else would find the same kind of comfort in the same kind of situation.

Mostly though I feel much more hopeful having read of your 'sign' from your Dad with the stars and meteor....I begged my Dad to give me a sign when he had passed to show me he was okay.  Sadly I have keenly felt his absence but no sense of him still being 'with' me in anyway....I hope it is simply too soon and that at some point I will experience that feeling.  Of course I will always know I have his love - but I long to 'feel' that there is something else and he is waiting for me somewhere.  I am so glad for you that you have had that feeling and that 'sign'.

Once again - I am sorry we have both ended up in this place whilst our Daddies have both ended up in a different place.  Your Daddy was clearly a wonderful man who gave you a happy childhood and left you with a very clear and unwavering security in how very much he loved you.  Like you wrote to me....we are indeed very lucky.   We were blessed and even more so to have known the value of what we had whilst we still had it.

Take care and I will be thinking of you and your Daddy XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hi Sparkles...

I have felt so alone in some of my thoughts.  Some thoughts that other people think are crazy.  But then you speak to people who have been through the same thing and had those same thoughts.  It is terrible to know that other people suffer in the same way, but comforting that when you feel so alone, at the same time you feel like there are many people there too.

I don't know if you will want to read my blog today, because it is about the faraway tree... but its another sign that I saw.  I see rainbows every day in one way or another.  If I don't see one myself from a reflection from a mirror, I see it in a friend's photo on facebook, or an assembly of balloons in a market.  And when I don't see them myself, a friend will tell me they saw a rainbow that day.  I'll have a word with my daddy, he obviously has friends in high places, I'll see if he can arrange some signs from your dad to you :-)  There probably are signs everywhere, you just may not have seen them yet, but I promise they are there, my dad is just a show-off, maybe yours is being a bit more subtle!

Thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx