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im trying to stay calm. I’m trying to keep moving forward and doing a bit more each day. But I’m getting more tired now, 4 weeks on, than I was for the first two weeks. I should be getting the results of the biopsy next week. The last biopsy after a hysteroscopy, or whatever it was, showed pre cancer merging into stage 1 cancer. After my surgery the consultant said she thought I should have brachytherapy, which confused me to be honest. I was being told that the cancer was at very early stage and should be dealt with by surgery.
Now ive been told that my results will be discussed at the MDT on Monday and then I will be told what happens next. I’ve been having issues with both my girls and have had to work hard getting issues accepted and sorted. Their issues are not being sorted in spite of all my complaints and arguments. I’ve got another week of trying to to sort their stuff and I have so much going through my head about what is happening in my body. All sorts of stuff is going through my mind.
I’m sooooooo terrified.
Hi Nina, I think you've answered your own question as to why your feeling tired. You are worrying about your results, worrying about what treatment you may have to face next, worrying about how your future health will be, worrying about your girls and worrying about sorting out their issues. All that worrying is exhausting just at a time when your reserves of energy are already low because your body is working hard at healing itself. Of course it's perfectly normal to be tired and perfectly normal to worry so there's no need at all to beat yourself up about it. As for the team possibly suggesting brachytherapy, that is also very common even when all the cancer has been removed by surgery. I was told by the consultant that it is often used as a belt and braces approach to reduce the chances of any future recurrence. It absolutely doesn't necessarily mean that they have found anything nastier than they were expecting. Take a deep breath, try to relax, think about how far you have already come and try not to worry about what MIGHT be until you know properly whats what.
I know this is all new and hard to get a grip of but you need to put yourself first now as you might have quite a road ahead.
Try to focus on the practical things you need to do now, sounds easier said than done but try and concentrate on what you know and not what if’s or you will stress yourself out even more.
once you know what your diagnosis is and what the next steps are believe me you will find a way through it. You need support not more burdens. You might need surgery and a long recovery period so it’s wise to think what that will mean
Hopefully you will get some answers soon about what will happen next
I had a hysterectomy nearly 6 weeks ago. The biopsy showed stage 1 grade 1a cancer of the uterus. But they also found a cluster of cells in the right fallopian tube which they have still not been able to identify. So I'm still waiting to know what that is. Just having that hanging over me would be enough.
My wound is still not fully healed and yesterday was bleeding ~I think that has stopped now.
One daughter suffers with a mental health condition further complicated by an attachment disorder due to severe trauma she experienced in the womb and during her first 4 years of life before we adopted her. She was, and still is, totally unable to cope with me having surgery, and I've told her nothing about cancer. She ran away from her supported living placement the day before my surgery, and again 5 days after. She is returning tomorrow and I have to find a hotel for her and another person for 3 nights, as well as pay travel expenses.
My other daughter is in a supported living flat which is not fit to be lived in. She is also in the process of transitioning from male to female, and suffers from a little known syndrome which affects virtually every part of her body physically and emotionally.
To be honest I'm really struggling to keep going.
Sorry, I think I just needed to put this somewhere
Very sorry to hear you are having such a tough time Are there any charities which offer support to people in your situation you could turn to? For example for help the daughter transitioning? To support them you also need to care for yourself so you can do that. Is there no one you can talk over the situation with and sort out some immediate priorities and then focus on the more crucial? I find it helps to have an immediate path mapped out to follow and focus on even if it is only short term.
How r u now Nina60?
Youngest daughter now back in our home town. Initially she was refused any help with housing as it was considered she had made herself homeless. With help from the amazing supported living agency she was with she is now in one of their flats.
It's unlikely that it will work as it's semi independent but everything else has been tried. The system is so broken that the only way to get what someone really needs is for them to repeatedly fail.
I'm looking forward to therapy tomorrow.
I can identify with that..You continually feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall to no avail but hang on in there. It's good she's back in town and has got a place albeit not ideal, at least she is safe. Unfortunately you are right when you say they do have to repeatedly fail in order to get what they need..I went through the same with my son, circumstances not exactly the same but similar. It practically broke me in half as it was so unbelievable and how my marriage survived I don't know because the pressure and aggro was so great. However, you just remember that you are a very special person . Your daughters are very special people and when you were chosen to raise them somebody knew your strengths and weaknesses. And although it's trying on occassions, probably more occasions rather than less, they wouldn't have chosen you unless they knew you could cope with this. I console myself with the fact that they always hurt the ones they love, even though it looks like they hate you on occassions and have no love for you, they love you dearly and do this because it's a safe option and they need to let the anger and frustration out. You have been in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be. Although it seems far from it now it will get better in time, you may be tested continually, but it will come. Try and keep strong, keep talking to us and above all look after yourself sweetheart. Love and hugs. Lamb.xx
I really think you are one special lady. My own daughter was a handful as a teenager. She just wanted to leave school at 16 and work in Woolworths, although I knew she was capable of more. She finally came to her senses after she worked 2 weeks packing kettles in a factory. She then did A levels, got to Uni and became a chemical engineer. She now works on an oil refinery, and earns far more than I ever did. At 19 she turned to me and apologized for being an awful teenager! Very exasperating, but don't you love them!!
Look after yourself xxxx
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