Womb (uterus) cancer

A place for people affected by womb cancer (also known as uterus or endometrial cancer) to support one another, ask questions, and share their experiences.

Coping with thoughtless remarks

Ellie2001
Posted by

Sorry to post this after my last post was positive.....but....ARGH.....

Sometimes a thoughtless remark puts me in a spin. I thought I was doing quite well, but at this moment if I had enough energy to pack a bag, and then get it in the car...I'd drive off somewhere for a couple of weeks and leave my husband to fend for himself.

Moving home while dealing with chemo side effects is hard. I don't have the physical energy to sort stuff out and throw out rubbish. And I've done all the "moving house" stuff like redirecting mail, sorting out new gas/electricity supplier and all that sort of thing. I've not been able to go through 2 large cupboards because he's had all his stuff piled in front of them. We are having the packing done for us, but there is still a load of stuff to sort and throw out. And we haven't touched the garage yet. I've tried telling my husband for months that I can only cope with doing a little every day, but has he listened? And now there is so much to do and no time, and I can't manage. He promised to take time off this week, but he's still working. And I'm here on my own, trying to cope. 

To top it off he remarked this morning "But your last chemo was over a week ago. You should be feeling better by now"

Unflipping believable. I've tried telling him how I feel and why, but he just doesn't seem to believe me when I tell him, so I end up feeling like a liar and a hypochondriac. I know he's probably trying to deal with things as well, but it always seems to be me making allowances for him, when it should be the other way round.

Sorry ladies, I just needed to vent.

Kalliope
Posted by

Vent away. Really, what a fool! Even the people we hold dearest can be such idiots sometimes can't they? I want to drop a few f bombs and I am someone who doesn't swear very much at all. Blimey is usually as strong as it gets.

Feel free to direct him to this and this, and feel free to quote me to him next time: I am two years post treatment and I still don't feel 'better'. Moving house is hard at the best of times, and being only a week after chemo rest and recuperation are a top priority. When you have had a full body chemical attack over a period of weeks that not only attacks cancerous cells but every cell in your body, it can be hard to function on a basic level, let alone coordinate and do the work of multiple people.

I find it helpful to point out that of the people I know that survived their cancer and treatment, 5 years after treatment some still haven't returned to their pre-cancer energy levels and physical capacity. Cancer is a very dangerous disease and a smoothie and a five minute sit down won't make everything better after it.

On consideration that may not be helpful. Maybe just know that I am fully on your side. Do you have any friends you could ask for help? I have no doubt that if you ask there will be friends who want to help you however they can, and there is nothing like a specific task with a deadline to really get things happening. If it makes you feel better, you can still play the Cancer Card for ages yet!

I am too outraged to come up with any other suggestions right now but I am sure some other wombles will have some great ideas.

bellabongo
Posted by

How annoying Ellie, I feel for you, I really do. What does he do in the evenings/weekends?  And when is he intending to move his stuff from in front of the cupboards? When do you have to be out of the house? Maybe you should just move your stuff and say to him 'I've left your stuff for you to pack' and leave some of his things lying around. And just sit with a pizza in the evenings saying 'Oh, I'm just going to take a leaf out of your book, and chill out, what's the point in packing?' See what a reaction it gets! 

Good luck with it, hope you get some results. and when you get to your new house - leave his stuff in the boxes! 

Lots of love 

Alison xxx 

Fairycake
Posted by

Hi Ellie2001,

I'm glad you feel you can vent here with us. If you can't do it here, where else could you?

Other halves are great but just occasionally they need the proverbial bomb you know where! Kalliope is right - you dont recover  overnight from chemo. You are neither a liar nor a hypochondriac. You really have taken a physical battering and right now you need as much help as you can get. Would your friends or maybe a team of trusted people from your church be able to help you pack?I"m Im guessing from what you say that your husband just isn't listening. Yes, he's been through it with you and yes he's probably struggling to process things but right now he needs to make you his top priority. Sorry, that sounds as though I'm being hard on him and that isn't what I intended. I'm sure he's lovely and supportive in his own way and that he despetately wants you to be completely well. Maybe have another heart to heart with him, or leave your tablet open at the screen with all our sugestions as it might just make him think. 

You are an amazing person. I'm in awe of what you've been able to do while you've been going through treatment. Maybe that's influenced your husband into thinking you should be better. Even though I'm a year on from finishing chemo and 9 months on from radiotherapy I still have days when I feel completely lacking in energy. My husband is great but he occasionally falls into the trap of thinking I should be ok now and he finds it hard to deal with it when I'm having a bad day.

I'm sorry I can't come and help you, but I am sending a gentle hug and hoping that you get the support you need and that everything goes well with your house move xx