Struggling with life in general after the cancer

Hi everyone. I haven’t posted for a long time. But because you all have been through something similar I’m hoping you can relate. I had my cancer 4 years ago. Seminoma that spread to lymph nodes in my abdomen.I had 3 x BEP. Since then I have struggled with work. I’m an Electrician and I mostly work on contstructuon sites around the country. Before I was I’ll I was a site supervisor but I also worked on the tools. Since being I’ll I’m not the same. I can’t cope at work. I can’t handle stress. I get anxiety and stressed easier, I have panic attacks. I had to leave my job after things went bad and then got another job. I also had a bad experience there too. I could not cope and ended up having my contract terminated. I get lack of focus, low mood, anxiety, depression, fear of everything and obsessive thoughts. I don’t know what to do about work because I don’t think I can cope with working away from home all the time. So I don’t know if I should look for an easier job. But also an easier job is going to pay less. Then I’ll stress about money. I just seem to have no bounce. No urgency in myself. I’ve lost something within. I’m having panic attacks just looking for jobs. I have absolutely no confidence and all I keep thinking is, whatever job I go to, I’m just going to make a huge mess of it because I won’t cope. I’ve always had anxiety all my life. But before the cancer I would just get on with things and not let it stop me. Now I have lost that. I dod have low testosterone for a while and I managed to get it to rise naturally with a better diet and better sleep habits. But I struggle to maintain this. Any advice would be appreciated. I don’t know if I should battle on and look for another job doing the same thing or if I should try and come to terms with the fact that it’s not for me anymore.  Or am I just giving up? I really don’t know. 

  • Hi Tony

    Sorry you're struggling. I just read your other post about t levels with interest. I managed to keep mine up at around 18 by lifting weights and keeping fit. But a virus (not Covid) knocked the crap out of me for 3 solid weeks and I struggled to recover after that.  My t levels are now 25% down and it's affecting me.

    I have a fairly complex desk based job. After chemo brain subsided I managed to get back into it, and it's still fine. I do often wonder how I'd be if I was in manual work. It must a very different situation.

    Have you considered any general counselling?  It sounds like you're aware that this isn't only due to the cancer fallout. Maybe improving other factors might give you enough of an improvement.

    Best wishes

    G

  • I have had counselling and would consider it again. It was helpful. I would love to try TRT. But I’m not in work at the moment so I can’t afford to go private. The NHS aren’t interested. I know how to improve things with my testo levels if I wanted to improve things naturally. The problem is I can only maintain it when I’m not working. Once I have work on top I can’t manage it. I get too stressed and can’t relax enough. I would say I’m stuck in stress. And that will always drive testo down because cortisol is up. I like to lift weights but I avoid it because I’m a darts player and lifting weights makes my arm dead for throwing my darts 

    Tony Soprano

    Classical Seminoma, initially stage one.

    Oncologist initially  unclear if elevated lymph node is due to cancer. bumped up to stage two B after CT scan 3 months later. Further spread to 2 lymph nodes and increase in size.

    Undergone 3 cycles of BEP at Derby Teaching Hospital and had the all clear on 9/2/17

    Now on ten years of surveillance 

  • Hi Tony

    just wanted to write a message to let you know I hear your struggles. I really wish you well. It seems really hard what you went through. I have been through some tough times recently with my own cancer and also friends and family too. It all came at once. seems like your stuck in a hard situation which is all understandable really considering. Sounds like you are doing what you can. By reaching out here is a testament to your strength too. I hope it can help writing it all out as I always thing talking is a good part of getting to grips with things. 


    I lost both my testicles and am testosterone replacement and when my testosterone is low I feel the way you do and it can be hard to get motived. Put you and your health first over your job if you can. I try to take things step by step and not get too far ahead of myself. I find that helps with my nerves about the whole situation when things are really bad. Focus on what I need to do next to help with my current situation. I try not to worry too much about if and but. But understand that you may need to think a bit more long term some times. 

    anyway this is just my advice I am by no means an expect. 

    hope things are better for you 

  • Not sure if it makes you feel any better but I am having similar struggles at work, so you aren’t alone in that sense. It makes me feel alone so I empathize with you.

  • Hi Tony, 

    Do the best that you can and that’s it. I recently came back to my Job too and trying to cope up with it slowly slowly. I recognise your battle. I would say don’t just give up for the things that you love to do. 

    kind Regard,

    SV

  • (Accidently flagged while scrolling and don’t see a way to unflag it…)