Lorraine is a nurse specialist and sex therapist and volunteers here to answer your...
You may remember I responded to your posting back in April last year.....It seemed that we were in pretty much identical situations at that time. Relieved that our husbands cancer was being controlled by RT and hormone treatment, but so regretting the changes in our relationships, and it would seem that we have followed the same path since! There have been one or two minor setbacks, but overall we feel positive about the future. Our sex life is non-existent, we hope that once hormone treatment finishes in June next year some desire may gradually return, physically he does have some ability, but without the desire it is simply not the way we would like it to be.
For those following this thread please don't see these remarks as depressing and upsetting. I would agree with you that it is possible to come to terms with this new way of life, enjoy life as it has to be, take care of yourself, and celebrate that your much loved one is still with you, and take as much pleasure as possible in sharing the love of family and friends together.
Oh, and if you can, get a dog.....Love forthcoming with no expectations, and shared with both of us!
Bless you, Fran x
Thank you, Trudging and Grundo. I really appreciate your understanding - I almost feel like I’ve been forgiven for having such terrible thoughts. I hate this; I feel like I’m sliding off a cliff and I don’t want it.
I think it helps to hear you describe it as a grieving process. I’ve lost several people very close to me, including both parents (one to cancer), and I know that there is life on the other side (even if I would swop it for more time with them). My husband is highly likely to survive and, all being well, I will have many more years together with my buddy.
I do think so much of my identity has been caught up with feeling sexually attractive, and it’s a relief to hear you empathise with that. It’s not helped by the fact that I am quite a bit younger than my husband and I don’t feel like I’m ready for this. But you have made me reflect on all the other things we do together, like travel and diy and films and friends, and also the stuff I do myself (sport, cooking, pets, reading, writing, ie lots!).
I’m so far away from coming to terms with this, but you have both helped and given me some hope with your stories and your compassion.
Thank you. I wish you both well.
it may be worth you taking some time out and reading up on testosterone from excelmale dot com
sometimes testosterone is not the enemy that so many make it out to be.
What treatment for prostate cancer did you have , my husband had HR and RT and finished his treatment 15months ago all good now , but he also has erection but painful ejaculations hoping in time this will get easier over time as we both struggle emotionally with this i feel very selfish talking about it because i am so pleased he has survived but i know he feels he has lost his manhood i love my husband we have been married 42yrs i just want to help
I had prostratectomy and now hormone therapy.
i’ve lost all desire and ability. The loss of sex life has been bareable because my wife doesn’t have any desire (indeed that was causing issues prior to diagnosis). I still miss the intimacy, my wife will stay downstairs for a while which fills me with suspicion, feeling of rejection etc. I’ve just completed chemotherapy and know my cancer is not cure able so will be on hormone for the remainder of my life. I’m 50 can cope without sex (prior to treatment I struggled without sex)
I know my wife loves me just wish she would initiate affection sometimes. I think prior to diagnosis any affection was brushed off because the thought was that was a desire for sex rather than affection. As individuals male or female we can read signs that aren’t there, perhaps the reassurance/ knowledge that it is affection rather than sex might help. We all need to feel wanted and it is the intimacy that distinguishes a couple from friends living together.
Has your husband been finished with both HT and RT for 15 months or did HT continue for a time after RT?
Have you raised your problems with either his care team or your GP? One or the other should be able to help with sexual problems, but it's not clear from your posts on here whether anything has been done yet.
I also had HT and RT which I completed late 2016 and it did take some time to start slowly recovering both desire and ability but I'm happy to say that both are much better now than before treatment started, albeit still with some assistance.
I don't like the sound of painful ejaculations and if it was me I would ask my GP or hospital care team. about it.
I don't think you are being selfish, it's still important for both of you as I think you are saying. I too will have been married for 42 years this May and it's still important to us although we've had to navigate our way through "barren" periods since my prostate cancer diagnosis.
Hi thank you for your help he finished all treatment 15 months ago , we saw a doctor for his review a couple of weeks ago they were happy with him they gave him tablets to control his urine as he was going for a pee over 20 times a day , so maybe the new tablets he has been prescribed may sort his pain out when he ejaculates maybe peeing so often , this was one of a few questions we forgot to ask , but yes next time we see a doctor we will ask , but something experiment on , but thank you very much you have been a great help and an inspirational wish you all the best for 2020
Hi thank you for your help he finished all treatment 15 months ago , we saw a doctor for his review a couple of weeks ago they were happy with him they gave him tablets to control his urine as he was going for a pee over 20 times a day , so maybe the new tablets he has been prescribed may sort his pain out when he ejaculates maybe peeing so often , this was one of a few questions we forgot to ask , but yes next time we see a doctor we will ask , but something experiment on we were also married in May 43 yrs this year , but thank you very much you have been a great help and an inspirational wish you all the best for 2020
The doctors said the best treatment for him was HT & RT not to have it removed Yes your right i think its hard for us because before being diognosed with prostate cancer we were affectionate towards each other as well sex although was hit n miss probably because were getting older but i felt loved and needed although i know he loves me too but we do all need that reassurance i wish you all the best for 2020
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