Penis cancer

A place for people affected by penile cancer to support one another, ask questions, and share their experiences.

Anger at diagnosis

Sflower
Posted by

Hi everyone. My partner has had symptoms for nine months and managed to hide it all from me. We’ve only been together for ten months and as I am a nurse myself I am utterly heartbroken that I missed these signs (don’t ask how, he was very very clever).

He was told by the surgeon two weeks ago at the biopsy that it is a tumour and that the biopsy results will only tell the stage of it. 

Due to go in next Tuesday to get results (this was brought forward after I complained to the hospital about the long wait) I hate being a nurse right now because I know far too much. I honestly wish I worked in any other profession. 

Meanwhile I am angry. Really angry. At everyone and everything. And I’m not an angry person normally at all in fact the opposite is quite true. I feel scared and not in control of what’s happening to him and to our relationship now. And I’m also angry at him for hiding this much from me when we had just made plans to move in together and had just signed for our first flat. And I feel terribly guilty for feeling like this. But I do. I wish I could feel sorrow or sadness or something more calm and ladylike and “British” if that makes any sense?! Instead I’m a raging ball of fury right now and ready to snap at just about anyone. 

Has anyone else experienced this and can anyone give me some advice please? I feel like I’m drowning 

sallypat
Posted by

Hi Sflower

I believe you’d reaction is totally understandable

This is a comparitively new relationship to be tested in this way. Your professional knowledge is also a difficulty for you since as you say you know too much. 


When my son was diagnosed it was such a shock replaced by the endless round of appointments treatment and other visits varied and many. 


I find several years after the “madness” I am extremely angry and it really has nowhere or no body to be directed at so therefore any one will do. The traffic the pedestrian the sales assistant family friends anybody could be the target sometimes for no reason except that I want to let off steam. 


I sincerely hope that whatever the outcome you manage to find a solution but in the meantime be kind to yourself and remember that anger is often a grieving process and grief is love with nowhere to go. 

Julie.c64
Posted by

I think my husband ignored his rather than hiding it as he had been to doctors twice once told he had an STD I made him go back they gave him some cream. No change, returned again saw a newly qualified GP as he was a locum. He recognized the symptoms and referred him to urology had a biopsy. After seeing specialist  he was booked in for surgery as they said that would be what was needed. It was a T2 carcinoma. Had glansectomy and they said they took a little bit more to make sure they got it all. I went through why me, it had been difficult but we are still together at the time we had been married 19yrs. It hasn't been easy but we are managing . I think there is a bit more information out there know because it has affected so many people and there are forums and groups like this one. I wish you all the best for results. I think care and options varies where you live. In my husband's case I think it was his age , no further penile cancer, unable to test lymph nodes as he already has sarcoidosis. But had bowens disease 2016 two year after cancer opp and possible reocurrance still awaiting biopsy which was suggested at appointment in January.

Julie cox