Pancreatic cancer

Affected by pancreatic cancer? Join this group to share experiences and ask questions to people who understand what you're going through.

I lost my mom March 1st.

bernie12
Posted by

I’ve come to these forums often and I thought it’s time I contributed. I’m a fairly new member to this club that I never wanted to join. My mom was a very active 66 year old woman. She worked two jobs and was always on the go. She started having some chronic stomachaches and decided to go to the doctor on December 8th, 2017. After several tests she was officially diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer that had spread to her liver on December 29th. This was a complete shock to us as there is no cancer in our family history. Her plan was to do chemo to prolong her time with us but she didn’t get that chance. I can’t begin to explain how terrible this disease is. My mom’s condition progressed so quickly that she was never well enough to get chemo. My mother passed on March 1st, 2018. We only had 9 short weeks. It still seems unreal to me. My heart aches from missing her so much.  I was fortunate that I got to be with her and help care for her every day during those 9 weeks. We had some wonderful conversations that I will cherish forever.  This disease takes so much. I hated watching my mom suffer through every new symptom. I’m considering joining a grief counseling group. Has anyone found those helpful in working through the sadness and anger?  

Splodge321
Posted by

Hi bernie12 I’m so terribly sorry for your loss. This really is such a horrific disease. I’m so pleased you got time with your mum at the end. I hope this gives you some comfort xx

Kate 

Scottishginger
Posted by

Hi Bernie.. am sorry to read about your mum :( Your loss is one that we all can connect to 

Grief is a very individual thing for each of us, even though we all will suffer with it more than once in our lives and what works for one may not work for another.. all I can say is that if you feel able to sit in a group and it will bring you some comfort then do so.. 

Dont be frightened to show your sadness.. dont stifle it.. I believe its good for our minds and bodies to let it go.. it can be a lengthy process as we learn to live without that person in our life but one day it will somehow become normal.. and if you have someone to hold you while you let go, then thats even better.. 

Anger is all part n parcel too.. wishing you all the very best through your grief journey

hugs xxx

Gillansoph
Posted by

I can relate to you completely,my dad was diagnosed in January.He lost his battle on Saturday,and I just feel shell shocked.At the end it was really quick and I have to take comfort in that,he had the syringe driver in since last Monday,so he was totally pain free.       Sending you big hugs,and hopefully the pain will ease,as I know it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks too xxx

Squeaky
Posted by

Hi Bernie

I’m so sorry to hear about your Mom and it will be difficult for you just now. I don’t have experience of grief counselling groups but I know they have been useful for people. Why not pop in to the Bereaved Friends and Family Group on this site and ask there as I’m sure someone will have experience. I hope it helps to say that things become easier over time. You’ll never forget your Mom but your memories will be of good times not the difficult ones.


Squeaky

bernie12
Posted by

Thank you. I’m so sorry about your dad. I’m still shocked as well. I just can’t fathom how quickly this disease progresses. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it really happened. I’m thankful that my mom didn’t have to suffer long. I just hate that she ever got this disease. Sending hugs to you as well. I’m finding that losing a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. 

Tilly72
Posted by

 Hi, Bernie, so sorry to hear your news, that is such a short length of time. I haven't experienced a group, but was able to access individual bereavement counselling, which was a huge help to me. It seemed strange having bereavement counselling whilst my husband is still alive ( terminal pancreatic cancer, currently undergoing radiotherapy), but it really helped me cope with my husbands illness and challenging prognosis. 

Our local hospice provided the counselling, and even if your Mum did not have any contact with them, they are worth getting in touch with.Our hospice does group and 1-1 sessions. 

Hope that helps, 

Tilly 72

Ian1981
Posted by

Hi, so sorry for your loss. I am about to lose my dad to this. I was fortunate to get longer with him but have had to deal with the sadness and anger throughout all that time. The anger gets me the most which then leads me to getting upset. Maybe that’s a good thing? My dad is also 66, just a few weeks short of his 67th birthday. He worked hard all his life and retired at 64 and then a year later got the diagnosis. I’m angry at how unfair it all is, he doesn’t deserve it.

Hswainone
Posted by

Hi 

I am so sorry for your loss. I wanted to reach out as your situation sounds so much like mine. My mum had stage 4 inoperable and it had spread to her iver. I lost my mum in September .. a year i will never get over. Like yours my mum was a beautiful 66 years young. So active and fun..always worked and even went back to work after retiring! She was my angel and best friend. I still cant believe it. She passed away and went downhill really quick. Had two rounds of chemo but was too poorly for anymore. I look back now and cant believe how i thought she would be here another 6-9 months as she was so tiny towards the end. She didnt eat for months before being diagnosed.

It was a shock to us too, she has 4 children all of which adore her. Her mum died peacefully in our home at 89 and I had always believed it would be like this for mum. I miss her terribly and am still so angry at her being taken. It was mums Birthday last week.

I was lucky she didn't have too much pain or she was good at hiding and we got her home. She only lasted one night but she was surrounded by her children ans that what she wanted.

I dont think anything prepares you for this. I had counselling but one to one and didnt really find it helped me ...i think too i would be better in a group as i find this forum more help as people understand.

I am here if you need to talk or vent at any time. I find reading others stories although sad there are others that feel the same xxx

Hayley xxx

bernie12
Posted by

I definitely feel the same way. My mom worked so hard her entire life and didn’t even get to enjoy one day of retirement. It is so unfair. 

bernie12
Posted by

One of the reasons I’ve been coming to this forum is because I knew there would be people that could completely understand what I’m feeling. Sometimes in my day to day routines I feel like I’m just going through the motions but inside I’m screaming. I miss my mom so much. I have two siblings and we all feel so lost. Once my mom chose hospice we brought her home. She was only home for one week with 24 hour hospice care but she was surrounded by the people she loved when she passed. I know I’ve said it before but I am still in shock at how quickly this disease progresses. I knew nothing of pancreatic cancer before this. Now I know that so many people are dying from this terrible disease. I’m keeping you all in my prayers as we travel this road together.