Pancreatic cancer

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Late night ramblings

Lady Pepys
Posted by

Good morning folks

It’s nearly 2am and I’ve been asleep for 8 hours, which isn’t good. I managed to get myself together today (ie yesterday)  and off to lunch with my friend, her daughter and her husband at daughter’s new flat, which is about 3 minutes from here. Had lovely time, walked home intending to go for power walk, quick tidy up, watered the garden, lay down....


The new  chemo is harder than I thought. I forgot that the effects of high dose dexamethasone would wear off but anti-sickness tablets work quickly. It’s the fatigue I hate. I’m not getting much exercise!


Now Kate, do I like bickering with the ex? Quite possibly though I so wish he would just do what I ask and I would happily accede to his food demands. He keeps telling people he’s looking after me....also he has just discovered a former girlfriend has just died of breast cancer and is obviously upset. I met her once and she was very nice..but her brother really disliked the ex and did his best to separate them. Anyway, I suppose because she had the same illness as me but much younger...he is keen to talk about death and where I want to die etc, which would be ok but I’m not in a death  kind of mood. Still, I did talk to him because I thought it might help. He is rather strangely afraid of death, particularly that of his mother who is nearly 96!  And mine, of course. If only this fear would translate into a strong desire to help me practically...but no, everything he does I have to beg for.  You can’t blame me for trying though, can you? It goes without saying I’m very sad about his former girlfriend and she leaves behind a very young child, which is heartbreaking.  


I’m watching the news as I write this. Feeling rather sickened by reports about Megan Markle’s dad and the royal wedding. We never used to hear this sort of thing, did we? It was all

Kept under wraps, where it belonged. And do we actually care? Should we care? I only just discovered that William and whatsername now have three children. Three! How did I miss that? 


And the newsreader was smirking as he revealed that modern technology has revealed ‘dirty jokes’ in the text of Anne Feank’s Diary. Now this interests me slightly more than whether Mr Markle gets to the royal wedding, but we don’t get to hear the jokes, which is a pity. 


I don’t know whether to say goodnight or good morning. This is what the bloody treatment does to us.


Pepys xx







KiwiWolf
Posted by

You always gee me up, Pepys, especially as I had a frustrating work day. Glad I was at home rather than the office else I’d have thrown something. My tolerance for inefficiency and clients taking the mick is pretty low these days which probably isn’t best for the workplace. Never mind, we’re off to Barcelona tomorrow for a long weekend. I promised my husband if I was alive and well this time this year we’d go and so we’re off!

He’s just brought me a pre-dinner snack of scallops wrapped in bacon - I do love seafood. Is it wrong to wash down Creon with wine?

Lady Pepys
Posted by

Dear Nikki,

i sometimes wash my Creon down with wine. That made me laugh! Wil post again a bit later. A sort of eventful day, if only emotionally...

pepys xx

Lady Pepys
Posted by

Hello all,

I‘m still not sure how to post pics here...might have to post one at a time so watch this space. This is me with friends yesterdaY. I’m the one with no hair but making a jolly attempt to cover it  up.

pepys xx

Splodge321
Posted by

Oh Pepys that’s fabulous. You enjoy lovely lady xx

Lady Pepys
Posted by

Hello all,

i‘ll tell you why I was laughing. We were having a ridiculous conversation about those annoying ads on telly showing middle aged incontinent women wearing PRETTY leak-proof incontinence knickers. And then we got very very silly and experimented with ways of developing the perfect photo smile..and decided that a mid-stream smile was by far the most natural looking. Terribly childish, I know! 

Pepys xx

Lady Pepys
Posted by

.,,and here is my expected grandchil, due 22 November. My son and DIL turned up this afternoon. I’d forgotten they had a hospital appointment. I was ordered to shut my eyes and was handed three beautiful scan pictures. Isn’t it wonderful? I am SO excited. Two legs, two arms, a heart, ears, eyes...s/he has the lot! I know people have been having children and grandchildren forever but this feels like the first baby on the earth. I need to stay alive to meet him or her. Our provisional name is Stanlee, pronounced in a pretentious French way!

i hope I’ve attached the pi. If not, it will follow.

Pepysvxx

Vixen123
Posted by

Hi Pepys. What a lovely, beautiful surprise. How emotional you must be. That's what's great about this site. You can come on here anytime. Day or night & share your news. If it's bad or good! My lovely mum died 7 months ago. I'm not very maternal. But my brother had triplets. Boys!  They're 14 now!! My mum never nagged us for grandchildren. But when the boys came on the scene, we were all so emotional & proud. They came to my mum's funeral. They were lovely. So mature & nicely presented. They've been living in the States with my brother & girlfriend the last 6yrs. But when my mum was ill in hospital, my brother came over & stayed on a mattress next to her bed for a week. My mum & i were so close. He knew i couldn't handle it. I would have had a breakdown. 

I won't go on & spoil the moment. But special events like this, give you more reason to try & fight this awful, evil disease. Savour every feeling, every moment. X

Lady Pepys
Posted by

Desr Vixen,

What a lovely message.,thank you so much. 


When my son and his partner were expecting last year, I was nervous I wouldn’t make the due date of 1 April., It seemed a cruel irony for me to leave this life as my grandchild slipped into it. And when they lost the baby, I had no idea it would happen again. I didn’t burden them with my thoughts but it was fairly obvious! But the extraordinary  thing is, I’m still alive and hopefully will be by the due date of 22 November. I’m learning to live with uncertainty. 


How incredible your brother had triplets and how loving they sound. And your brother sounds like a treasure. The sort  of closeness you describe, his setting up a bed next to your mum, sounds exactly as it should be, as things used to be before death became more of a medical affair. 


I know my continued survival isn’t a certainty so I intend to enjoy their pregnancy as much as I can. And the sheer excitement of it all is something I simply didn’t expect. 


All the best to you, Vixen.


Pepys xx



Vixen123
Posted by

Hi Pepys. Nice reply. I suppose you're using a tablet in bed. I'm so grateful i have one. I have athritis & often can't sleep at night. So these things are a God send. I think you must be a very strong woman. You sound very matter of fact about your condition. I would be an emotional wreck if i were you! Especially without my lovely mother. She was fantastic when i had awful flare ups & had to stay with her. A kind, generous & witty mother. I miss her every hr of every day. I'm in my 40's now. I lost my lovely dad when i was 17 & he was 52. He had a heart attack. So awful. But my mum just got on with things. Then i was diagnosed with arthritis at 21. Again. My strong, patient mother was there. Always. Now she's gone it's heartbreaking. My best friend, mother, emotional strength & security has gone. So this site helps me. Knowing, at some point. Someone might feel the same way about life & loss as me. I wish you joy & good luck with everything. Stay strong!! X

Vixen123
Posted by

Hi Pepys. Again. I meant to say in my last email, what an awfully emotional time your whole family must be having. What with your cancer & your son & his partner having a miscarriage. I bet you thought you might not get another chance to be a granny! Well i really hope you do. I hope you fight this awful disease & get to be a hip old granny!!  My mum & i used to love an old tv series called 'the golden girls'. It was American. My mum was a nurse. She worked so hard. She'd come home & sit dozing with her coat on, she was so tired, she couldn't take it off. So i'd get her a cuppa & something sweet, help her off with her coat & put the golden girls on. We loved it. We both loved Sophia. The rudest one of the lot. She'd swear & 'let one rip' sometimes. I hope you get to be as naughty as Sophia!! X

Lady Pepys
Posted by

Hi again Vixen

I reckon I could give Sophie a rib for her money right now! I loved the golden girls. Yes, my family must be finding this all very difficult...I have 4 brothers and 3 sons. None of them talk in emotional terms, it can get rather jokey and I prefer this approach. I wouldn’t like people crying around me. Probably all typical avoidant types. 


Yes, I plan to be a hip old granny!

Pepys xx

Yes pet
Posted by

Hi all, I just love this thread and all of your stories ! 

I didn’t think I had anything positive to post since I lost me Dad but I have. He had the most amazing send off on May the 4th, very fitting as one of his Dad jokes every year was May the forth be with you. It was a beautiful sunny day, he had a humanist service so full of his love of life and laughter. We filled both halls with over 60 standing outside, a fitting tribute to a much loved and respected man. 

So the good news is, we raised £1000 on the day for Pancreatic Cancer Research! Wow! Overwhelmed by people’s generosity! 

My friends BIL has sadly been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer so she has organised and will be hosting a vintage afternoon tea at her  village hall on Sunday. All money raised with go to Pancreatic Cancer Reseach so I’m taking me Mam, daughter and two of me Aunties. I’m looking forward to it, we are going to be taking notes of all her ideas and try and host one ourselves next summer, for the same cause of course. Much love to you all, Jilly xxx

Squeaky
Posted by

It’s great to have this thread. Even though people are going through hard times or have in the past the humour and support is great. Good photos, Pepys.


Squeaky

Vixen123
Posted by

Hi Squeaky. I totally agree with you. My lovely mum died nearly 7 months ago. So for the last few months i've been comfort/cake eating!! There's nothing like getting a nice juicy chunk of coffee & walnut cake, lovely cup o tea, my duvet on the sofa & CORRIE!!!!! It just eases my mind from thinking of how much i miss the kindest mother in the world!! I just let out a sigh & relax for a while. I think we all understand the power of CAKE N CORRIE!!!