Wilma is a skin cancer specialist nurse, here to answer your questions about different...
On Christmas eve I went to see my gp as my big toe nail was starting to tear easily and coming away from the nail bed. There is an area along the top half of the nail that is black and has been for over a year. I just thought it was a bruise. The skin around my toe nail also has a few brown patches on it now too, and my nail hurts. He has referred me to see a dermatologist this Thursday as he is concerned about melanoma. I'm worried sick as if it is, I've had it for well over a year. My husband died of cancer three years ago and we have three children. I'm terrified.
Welcome to the online community Andypandy78, it sounds like you have a lot going on in your worries at the moment. I am glad you haven’t got too long to wait until Thursday. Worries are difficult to stop but they can just be observed going past just like cars passing by when you want to cross a road. Sometimes those cars or worries can seem scary but if we slow them down they are more manageable. There are a lot of what ifs and things to happen before you need to worry about your three children already not having their Dad around, as I get the impression that you’re worried about you being next.
After I was diagnosed I was encouraged to keep a worry list, and limit the time I spent on worrying to 10 mins a day. I saw the list the other day you’d think my worries would be about what treatment I would have and practical more immediate stuff but my list was about how my husband might not cope on his own, and if my illness might affect my daughter doing her MA, and other things that might never ever happen. In fact writing those worries down was an important step, and the next one was to read them back. It’s amazing how when you read some worries back the next day they are no longer things to worry about, they have just passed by. There is that saying something along the lines of only worry about the things that you can do something about, and not the things you can’t.
I was wondering how old your children are and if they will be any help to you when going for your appointment? or if you have anyone else to be an extra pair of ears, as when we worry we don’t always take in what’s being said.
I hope you feel a little better having come to the site and expressing that you are worried. If you have any questions about others experience, just ask away and hopefully someone will be along. I haven’t had a primary melanoma so I’m no immediate help with that but I’ve had my own share of worrying ! (Which is in my profile, if you click on my user name you will see it, and if you click on yours you will see where to add yours by clicking edit profile, typing away and pressing save)
Good luck with Thursday and your wait until then, and let us know how you get on.
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Thankyou so much. My immediate worries are my children. They are 18, 16 and 14 but are struggling with losing their dad, so I havnt told them anything yet. I have a new partner and my family to support me and they are being amazing. I will try the worry list and let you know how I get on.
I’m sorry to hear that they are struggling, I hope they are getting support through their school still and perhaps know of the site below
http://www.riprap.org.uk for children who’s parents have cancer for when it might be appropriate for them.
I’m very glad to know you have support from your partner and family and from us now when you need it.
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