Devastating impact of lung cancer, in shock!

Hello

I am so sorry to hear that your dad as passed away, its hard to take it all in isn't it and it is understandable that you are looking for answers to make sense of it

My mum passed away at Christmas we had her for 4 months from diagnosis. She was diagnosed with incurable cancer.

Answers for you:

There are 2 types of lung cancer non small cell and small cell cancer, the later is aggressive and can spread quickly however not all people who have cancer die of cancer they can sometimes pass away from the effects of cancer on an organ and so the organ is unable to function correctly. 

I would imagine that if your lovely dad was well enough to take a holiday 3 weeks before he passed away then it was the cancers effect on an organ.

Usually when someone is coming to the end of their life with cancer as it progresses there are noticeable changes in their health which includes physical and behavioural changes. 

My mum was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer which was aggressive and had spread to her heart wall, kidney and lymph nodes as the cancer progressed there were physical and behavioural changes  however when she passed away she died of a stoke and so it was the effect of the cancer in her chest wall which had affected her heart, cancer was still noted as the reason of death on mums death certificate. 

I think that it was very unprofessional that doctors told you it was "unfair to him to keep him alive if his body was too weak."  they should have been more empathetic with you and your family  and that  "this has happened because he smoked"  again this is such a poor choice of words and harsh.

 I will leave you with this thought, your lovely dad did not suffer for long and he was living life just before he passed away, this is a blessing xxxxx trust me, I wish my dear mum had gone the same way.

You however need time to grieve, if you haven't already done so join the group Bereaved Family and Friend on here, its a great group if you just need to get things off your chest or if you need support.

Make sure that you speak to your doctor if you need to and he/she can put you in touch with any local bereavement counselling groups in your area.

Make sure you get loads of support, the shock will never go away but it will get easier with time 

Sending you a massive hug XXXX

Thank you so much for your kind words of support. I will certainly take your advice. I am sorry also for your loss and hope that you too are coping at such a difficult time. Xx

I know exactly why you are going through as I lost my dad in 24th August after a short fight. He was diagnosed in May and until a couple of weeks before he died he was seemingly ok. He also had NSCLC that had spread. It took him so quickly. We were told the day he died he could haveweeks. I knew we wouldn't. It is just horrendous. My dad was 65 and we had his send off today. Heartbreaking. He had so much more life in him, probably like your dad. I also lost my mum age 53 ten years ago. I am 36 and have no mum and dad. Life can be so so cruel. Takeneach day as it comes and remember your dad would want you to be happy. The only thing that is keeping me going is thinking that it wasn't dragged out and it took him quick and he would have hated to be ill for a long period of time or rely on people. 

Thinking of you. Take care of yourself. 

Lucy xxx

Hi November

I'm so so sorry to hear what you have gone through with your dad.

My dad was diagnosed 5 weeks prior to his death so there wasn't time for treatment. I was told at the time that he had probably not known how much the disease had taken over his body. After the initial shock had worn off I was grateful that he hadn't suffered for too long.

It is absolutely devastating when death happens so quickly, but as I said I appreciated the fact that he didn't have to suffer.

I know you have a long journey ahead of you but grab hold of any help offered to you. 

Take care.x

This is heart breaking to read and I am so sorry for your loss. Yesterday my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer with brain and liver metastasis. My mum took him to A&E on Friday as he'd been having vision issues and they did a CT scan and found brain tumours. 

We are all devastated - especially since the steroids he has been prescribed have left him as normal with no symptoms. I'm so scared about the lack of time we may have left with him. We find out on Friday the care plan and whether they will biopsy the lung to gauge what type of lung cancer he has.

Thank you Lucy for your experience and I am also so sorry to hear about both your mum and dad. I too take comfort from the fact that he didn't suffer for long, it is just such a terrible disease and devastating for the families that have to experience it. Thinking of you xx

Lelotron, my thoughts are with you at this incredibly difficult time, thank you for sharing. I hope that they give you the best support and care for your family and for your dad. I unfortunately was unable to say goodbye to my dad as I was on the train coming home but would advise that you spend every precious moment together that you can and tell him everything that you ever would want to. There were so many things I wish I could have said if I would have known he didn't have long left. My thoughts are with you and I hope that they are able to help your dad as much as possible xx

Mummyb, thank you for sharing your experience and I am sorry to hear about your experience with your dad. The fact that he did not suffer for long is the main thing keeping me going at the moment, he would have been such a bad patient, he hated doctors and hospitals! Thinking of you at this sad time xx

November81,

My heart Goes out to you.

My children lost their father on the 27th July this year after a 3 week diagnosis.

They are 11 and 18, simon was only 44. He wasn't ill the day he died and we had  a lovely day previously doing wedding stuff and out with our friends in the evening.

They said his tumour had eroded his aortic valve, and he very quickly died within 5 minutes.

No one got to say goodbye and we hadn't even told our 11 year old he was ill. 

lung cancer is a horrible shallow disease that I wouldn't wish on any family.

You have 36 years of memories to hold onto and cherish. X

Good morning: You have my deepest sympathy on your father's passing. The speed of his passing is akin to a 'sudden death' and is no doubt generated an enormous level of shock, disbelief and pain. There was virtually no time for you to prepare yourself spiritually and or emotionally for the final event.   

I would like to share my experience of mother's passing a few years ago. It was very difficult for her (and the family) to endure the high levels of discomfort and life changing issues she had to face for months and months following her diagnosis. However, it was a fact that we the family had time to prepare for her passing. Unlike you, there was no sense of shock or disbelief. Rather, there was relief and a realisation that she had gone to a better place. Perhaps you will take comfort from the fact that your father passed away without experiencing a lengthy period of discomfort. 

As for your doctors comment, so unprofessional yet predictable in contemporary society.

You will eventually more to the next phase of your grieving.........smiles and laughter when thinking about and discussing your late father with others. 

All the very best.