Just diagnosed and having surgery

Hi There , My journey has been so farva bit of whirl wind.I am lucky enough to have private health cover through my emoloyer therefore within the last week and a half I have had an ultra sound and CT scan as well as.a diagnosis for RCC. I am due to have surgery on Wednesday this week. I am very grateful for how quickly this has progressed as the pressure of waiting was bad enough for me and I realise I am lucky compared to weeks of waiting for some. 

My closest friends and family now know but why do  I feel very alone ? It's so hard putting on a brave face when all I want to do is whail /sob from the top of my lungs !! 

My partner is quite closed down and does not respond well to tears etc so I feel as if I am carrying on as if it's just an in growing toe nail removed rather than a kidney.To top it all off my employer called me last week and thought i would be back at work in weeks.

I dont wish to wallow in feeling sorry for myself but at the same time am finding really hard to stay upbeat for everyone else's sake 

Is this a normal experience for others or am I being selfish