Refusing treatment?

The title is, I assume, self-explanatory

It's not likely to be an issue for me at present, as I am currently in remission, and just a few weeks away from the 3rd anniversary of my diagnosis.

But I have been considering cancelling any further follow-up appointments, and just letting the cancer return and finish me off when the time comes.

If I had known three years ago that I would feel as I do now, I would have let the illness take its course back in 2017. Although I am still grateful to all involved for successfully treating me, I'm starting to wonder if there was any point

I've nothing to show for my life except a great CV. Cancer and the long-term side-effects of treatment, years of workplace bullying, a job/house move which isn't working out (as well as more intimidation/humiliation in the new job), moving into an area I have zero connection with and where I know absolutely no-one, totally unsympathetic relatives, a continued battle with the DVLA to maintain my driving licence, as well as recently being let down by an ex-partner (for the second time in 10 years, believe it or not!), I'm coming to realise just what a waste of time and space I am.

This is too much to bear in the space of less than three years; everyone tells you to be "strong" and "others are worse off, you are lucky" but I just can't be strong any more. I see the surgeons 3-4 times a year, and every time I attend the appointments, it feels like I'm going to be told the cancer has returned. It's just too much to deal with on my own - and I have dealt with all of this almost entirely on my own.

While others may have considered refusing or have refused treatment, for a variety of reasons which may or may not be similar to mine, your opinions are welcome. 

  • My wife had that about 21 years ago TTIGGY; well remember going into Oncology in Exeter with her and feeling very sorry for the patients in the waiting room, little did I know that fifteen years on I'd be joining them!

    Wife had radioactive iodine as a drink, remember it was put down on the table in a container that looked like something out of a nuclear power plant, she was allowed minimal contact with our kids and virtually none with our two year old youngest for about 4/6 weeks from memory (because she was radioactive obviously), which she found impossible to cope with so we ended out farming out the older ones to friends/family while she moved in with her parents and I went to mine with youngest.

    (We actually had a brilliant time just the two of us together but for heaven's sake don't tell her I said so ;-))

    What is a Community Champion?

    Metastatic SCC of right medial piriform fossa plus four malignant lymph nodes diagnosed 8th October 2013. Modified radical neck dissection November, thirty-five radiotherapy fractions with 2xCisplatin chemo Jan/Feb 2014.