A year ago today my husband was diagnosed with a mass on his brain which was confirmed a few days later as a GBM4. As this milestone moment approached this week I was anxious about it. How would he feel about it being a year into this rollercoaster ride? How would I feel about it?
I've deliberately kept myself busy today to prevent me from having too much time to think. This morning I posted a quote/saying thing on my FB - it was a bunny carrying a rainbow umbrella with the words "Don't look back. You're not going that way."
After work I went for my usual walk and walked the same route that I had a year ago when he met me to break the news. Same as last year it was a gorgeous sunny evening. As I walked the words from the FB post came back to me. Looking back really doesn't help. It doesn't change anything, The focus really has to be on looking forwards.
And as for my anxiety about how he would feel about the milestone moment- that was unfounded - he hasn't realised and I haven't drawn attention to it.
And so the rollercoaster ride continues....
Stay strong, folks.
love n hugs
Wee Me x
Hello Wee Me
It’s a hard thing to care about these things, but so great that you do. It’s also a small blessing your man doesn’t remember the significance of this date.
I can’t help with the anxiety, but I do know that a day is just a day and each day needs to be negotiated as it comes. 1 month, 1 year, it’s just stuff humans make up to measure how we see the sun move through the sky. All I know is, the sun comes up every day and always will.
I like your roller coaster analogy. The one I use when describing where we are to other people is a Rapid River ride. It started with one rapid after another while we understood the diagnosis and my wife had surgery, then a few more sudden drops and wild waves while she went through radiotherapy. Right now we are thankful for a patch of Lazy River, just letting the current move us along.
The results of a MRI from a few days ago, with its 5cm mass, tells us there is a another waterfall coming up. Things are going to get bumpy. I have my ore ready, for as long as I can hold onto it.
I hope you keep doing your walks. The world has changed without asking your permission. Suddenly what was a familiar place seems so different. But it is and always will be yours. And when the sun shines, enjoy its warmth
Stay strong yourself
Hi WizenedSplash, We’re on the rollercoaster ride but I might change us on to the Rapid River ride for a while and enjoy that lazy river for as long as we can. My Dad finishes RT on Monday and his chemo on Tuesday. We truly need a bit of lazy river time for a month until the next chemo.
Hi Wee Me,
I’m taking inspiration from you and hope to be in the same shoes next year with my Dad still here.