Limbo and growing mass in right breast

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I think being in limbo is the worst part of the process.

On Monday, 4th January,  will receive my plan of action and sign the consent form and these weeks of waiting have been definitely a massive emotional roller coaster ride of emotions and the slightest thing can set me off.  Mike is right, I need to quieten the noise between my ears but the noise is heightenend as I have seen the lump in my right breast increase significantly now filling my whole breast.  It is much bigger than my left breast and very hard to the touch.  The nipple has completely disappeared and flattened and the skin is very dry and although I am stiff and sore, particularly around my neck and shoulders, there is no pain but a very dull ache.  It is scary and there is really nothing I can do  but wait until Monday.  I've been in limbo since the end of November, gradually seeing different medical people with dripping, gradual information.   I'm doing everything right but it is exhausting.  I am meditating, which is diificult, resting and exercising gently.  I'm actually fit, in good shape and dare I say, healthy and active apart from this huge, engorged right breast.   I'm writing this for anyone else who feels 'in limbo', the waiting doing nothing is worse than anything.  If you have a leak in your home, you don't stop and watch it worsen, you get an emergency plumber in quick.  Get it sorted,   No real damage done.   However, despite this, I am empowering myself as much as I can in preparation for the treatment.   I want to be in the best condition possible to remove this intruder from my body asap.   Show it the back door, lock up and throw away the key.    To all in limbo, I get it.  But there is light at the end of the tunnel.  Keep aiming for that light.  There is hope and we will gain so much insight into what we can achieve from this challenging but doable journey to recovery.

  • Not long now and once you have all the info and plan you can then serve your cancer it’s eviction notice.

    We are here to walk this with you.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge

  • Mike, this made me cry!  It is so beautiful.   A picture does say what a thousand words can't

    I wonder if your ears were burning today.  I was on the phone to the nurse on the helpline and I was saying how much, I didn't mention you by name, you had helped  me.   She straight away said, 'Is it The Highlander'  She then proceeded to tell me that you were a hero of the nursing world and as knowledgeable as they were.  She told me that she saw you give a talk and it was very informative, moving and poignant.

    You are indeed a hero.  To so many people.   

    You just know the right words to say.

    I'm sure I'll be on here tomorrow after my plan and signing the consent form.   I told my ex partner today who was very emotional and yet very supportive.  We get on very well and I need him in supporting me with our autistic son who is very demanding and stressful as he has mental health issues, OCD and PTSD.   I can feel the stress building up inside me when he's home so I'm pleased he's on board.  Yes, this is a journey and, really, I haven't properly started it yet.

    Thank you.   My eternal gratitude and I hope to meet you one day.

  • Lol....... the nurses on the helpline are amazing and great characters.

    I meet a good few of them in Glasgow back in October 2018 when I was one of the speaks at a day long Macmillan Staff Conference.

    I think my name ‘Thehighlander’ is memorable so its more obvious when they are looking through the Community posts.

    But  I am not sure that I have the credentials to fit the ‘hero’ profile..... the only heroic thing I have done is survive cancer...... but I could get myself a cape and face mask to see if that helps Joy

    On a cancer journey you do become an ‘expert’ in your type of cancer.... it’s a walk the walk so you can talk the talk thing along with what I have learned over the years on the Community but in other support settings.

    I read a lot and do appreciate the power of words....and pictures so try my best to be as supportive within the limitations of the written word especially within the limits a virtual platform brings.

    Do come back once you have more information as we can help as best as we can.... and remember get your questions answered.

    I am pleased that your ex partner is very supportive. As you will need various types of support over the months to come especially with your son and the challenges his conditions bring.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge

  • Aww thank you Mike. As I expected you are very modest. 

    I call you and John ‘The Cancer Caped Crusaders’ - but now you tell me you don’t have a cape will need a rethink to your nickname! Joy

    I will put a separate post up about what happened yesterday at my meeting with consultant 

    M