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I won't lie to you, your head will be a mess, these are very early days for you. You are thrown in at the deep end. No one truly understands how you feel, they can't, until you actually hear 'those' words people can't know how to feel or understand how we feel.
You will have masses of different emotions and I think a lot of them come because the people around us really don't know how we feel and don't know how to actually help us.
My husband tried to help me, got me to go to the shops the week after I had being diagnosed... I didn't want to go, I go out the motor started walking to the shop and it felt like every step was in slow motion - I wanted to stand still and shout out to everyone 'do you know what is wrong with me'. I had to go back to the car. I had the added worry, I was not going to tell my mum about my diagnosis - I could not worry her and I could not cope with constant (caring) questions asking 'how I am'!!
In fact I haven't told many people (I don't have a large circle of friends - I reckon I have more on here than in the 'real world'! Mentally, I did not want to give 'it' room in my life, and more than anything I didn't not want to be the diagnosis first and me the person second, it this makes sense!!
Fallenangel1, you will change, you will start to move forward, mentally you will, don't get me wrong you will still have out bursts and they will possibly start from the smallest of disagreements - and yes you will feel like throwing things (I actually did a few times - it felt great, but, in reality is so wrong).
Well Done on your 5 hours, you will get through this, once you know what your treatment is going to be, you will start to move forward. In the meantime you will find that you are in a type of grieving processes, the person you was before this has gone - find a way to understand this and work on the new improved you - the you that now won't stand for any sh*té.
Sending love and hugs xxxxx
Owww and look at Mindfulness apps, they really can help with clearing your mind, helping you get to sleep etc. Its funny, I hadn't bothered with these until I had my diagnosis. I used them right up till I had my operation and then I stopped. I will get back onto them, I do think they are good and can help ease worries.
Most of all just know all these different feelings are normal - well normal for what you are going thought.
Think this is a totally normal reaction - you are not alone. Told my best friend that if one more person asked me how I was I would have to punch them in the face! (hilarious when you consider that I am only 4' 11"). I am so tired of massaging other people's egos, the stupid 'how are you today?' comments, who only want to be told that you are doing ok so that they can feel better. A friend told me that they probably don't know what to say and I should just let it go and walk away. Perhaps I will feel that way when I start my chemo and people can actually see how I am without all the stupid encouraging comments - what do they know anyway!
I know at the moment my anger is protecting me in some way from feeling sorry for myself. However you are feeling is perfectly justified and understandable. So cry, rant, just let those feelings out and don't feel guilty about - your family and true friends will understand and anyway this journey is about you not them. Take care lovely.
Thanks Whathappened for talking the time to reply. Still wading through the paper work its like studying for an exam that your life depends on. You have made me feel normal for the first time sice tuesday. Im not very good at playing the waiting game. On the beight side the house has never been so clean.
I don't think that friends and family can realise how it truly feels. I was as work on Thursday for our school Feast Day and quite a few staff have opened up about their cancer battles, which I'd no idea about. One woman with ovarian cancer 18 years ago was given a 40% 5- year survival chance. She had gruelling chemo which caused really bad peripheral neuropathy (at the time she had to cut open the front of her shoes to get them on!), and had therapy for over a year when she was given the all clear. She goes to her local Maggie's Centre even now to show others in her position that there are success stories when the odds look
I've been on the roller coaster for three and a bit months, and in that time times, including the starting acan when I'd put myself six feet under! About to start chemo, so getting ready for the next ride. One diagnosed it's a life- time of it, until medicine moves ther goalposts significantly in our favour.
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