Breast cancer

Affected by breast cancer? Join this group to share experiences and ask questions to people who understand what you're going through.

Why am I struggling now?

Beans79
Posted by

Hello all,

I was diagnosed with BC last October. I am 39. Have had lumpectomy, chemo (Onco Score of 27) and am 1 week out of 3 into rads. Oestrogen positive, nodes clear.

I have up till now just got on with it and have great support at home but i now feel so weighed down by it all and very negative and down. 

I just want to get back to normality but feel like this is way out of reach right now - if ever ! Please someone tell me after all the fight that I can and will eventually move forward and put this all behind me/ us. 

Xxx 

puzzler
Posted by

This sounds perfectly common reaction.......try googling  Peter Harvey .....sorry I am not tech savvy enough to send you the link , but someone else might pop up ......you will get back to “ normal “ but it will be a new “ normal “ ,be kind to yourself , you have been through a lot !

Beans79
Posted by

Thank you for your reply and I will google Peter Harvey. It’s so difficult isn’t it but really don’t want to fall at the last hurdle ! Thanks again x 

Sarah1111
Posted by

Hi Beans,

I was diagnosed in late September last year. I’m 42. I had surgery in October, chemotherapy and I finished my course of 20 radiotherapy sessions just over a month ago. I still have herceptin injections every three weeks and zoladex injections every four weeks.

Do try to be kind to yourself. Your body is still going through an awful lot, but in two weeks time, this phase will be over and you can start to recover. I’ve delayed going back to work for a few months as I didn’t feel that I was mentally or physically up to it.  A month ago, I couldn’t imagine that I’d be typing this, but I’ve been really enjoying exercise. I joined a local gym. The trainer that did my induction was so supportive and I’ve been doing Zumba Gold (slightly slower Zumba for over 40’s) and it really helps my mood. I’m feeling much happier. 

I think that when you’re going to the hospital every day, cancer is in the forefront of your mind. During one appointment with my consultant (when I was going through radiotherapy), I was tearful and she offered me counselling. I thought that I’d take them up on the offer if I didn’t feel any better after the radiotherapy. But I found that after radiotherapy, the chaos of everyday life (I have two children) took over and I’ve mulled things over much less, so I haven’t taken them up on the offer. 

I hope you enjoy your weekend away from the hospital!

Best wishes,

Sarah

Silverberg
Posted by

Hi Beans

As has been said you are still in the very early days and huge dips should be expected. I had lumpectomy and radiotherapy follows by tamoxifen 12 years ago. Everything was fine but in year five after I had a breakdown. I'd been looking forward to being back to " normal". 

Unfortunately tamoxifen had side effects no one mentioned, and full lymph node removal lady me with lymphadiama.

A work issue tipped me over the edge.

You are dealing with something that is massive. Be kind to yourself tell people how you feel and if you need it have a right good cry.

Going for surgery on the 18th this time I know what expect and I'm still bricking it.

Hugs and wine.

Silverberg

Silverberg
ShimmeringUnicorn
Posted by

Hi  and all

Please remember that all the ' coping with it ' isn't about not falling off the ' just getting on with it ' path. It is not a neutral state, it is about subconsciously fighting extremely hard to stay on that path.

I say subconsciously because getting on with  ' the doing of it ' ( and the rest of life that doesn't conveniently pause for us), crowds out the effort that goes into coping.

See it as your inner resources being stretched and stretched and eventually they have to twang back. It may seem strange but this can be at a time when things are going well. It can also help to see moving on as more of a spiral than an upward, straight path...you can revisit stages you thought you had moved through but you are not actually back right where you were...you have moved on.

Be kind to yourself... we are our own strictest critics and tough, as we have come this far. Make sure you get yourself some time and a safe place and / or person with whom you can just let it all out and be fragile, uncertain, scared, angry etc. without work and family witnessing this ...but if they can be supportive WAHOO...share, share, share!

Grab any ' wellbeing/welfare '  services on offer...we can easily feel we don't need or deserve these...especially as time goes on.

Take care

...it is OK because unicorns can see you : )

Galligirl
Posted by
GGx
Beans79
Posted by

Thank you Sarah, it really helps to know I’m not the only one who has felt this way so close to the end of treatment.

I also have two children so they do keep me busy but I think starting some more regular exercise would be a good idea. I walk everyday as we have dogs but perhaps I need something just for me. -also need to brave loosing the wig just wanted a covering of hair so I don’t look ill !  

Thank you so much for replying I hope your having a good weekend and the very best wishes for the rest of your treatment and beyond xx 

Beans79
Posted by

Hi Silverberg,

Thank you for replying

Really good to hear you’ve been clear for 12 years but sounds like you’ve been through the mill !!

Wishing you all the very best with your up coming surgery, do let us know how you get on 

xx 

Beans79
Posted by

Thank you Shimmering Unicorn (wow what a name

Your absolutely right about finding it difficult in the supposedly good times and I think the spiral path way of thinking is something I will try and adopt.

I’m having a good positive weekend and feel so much better having had several replies on here, - all of which make perfect sense and remind me I am not alone 

xx